FOOD &FAMILY: thoughts of an at- home caregiver

IN MEMORIAM

2011-11-16T12:44:00.000-05:00

SUMMER OF MY DISCONTENT

2011-08-29T17:38:00.001-04:00

Since I began writing this blog I have been fairly diligent about posting stories and recipes. I have striven to keep sharing stories and events of my caregiving experiences until a few months ago. Usually writing is a good, constructive outlet for my frustrations and I am always hopeful that sharing can be of some help to others.

My hiatus began when an unexpected tragedy struck my family. In the past I would have taken a little time to get things back in perspective and use an event as a teaching or entertaining moment. This summer has brought an onslaught of events, illnesses, accidents and mishaps which has kept me from my virtual "pen". My favorite way to refer to a series of events like these is as a "Cluster Fuck".

[credit: Gary Larson, the far side]

Easter Week of this year my family was anxiously awaiting the birth of my [only] niece Kate's second daughter. I was preparing for the usual family Easter dinner which would, as always, be at my home. Decorations and holiday china were unpacked, menu was prepared and guests were invited. I got the long awaited email that Kate had successfully delivered another beautiful, healthy girl. Mother and daughter were both doing fine.

Two days passed and I was slightly concerned because I had no further updates on the new arrival and my phone calls and emails were going unanswered. That evening I finally got a phone call from my brother to explain the lack of contact and to deliver the shocking news that his seemingly perfectly healthy 32 year old daughter had gotten out of her hospital bed the morning after delivering and collapsed to the floor with a massive heart attack precipitated by blood clot. They had performed emergency surgery and now Kate was in a chemically induced coma to recover.

It was one of those rare times when I was mute. All I could manage was to offer my love and support and services in any way I could be of use. I could hear the forced bravado in my brother's voice and I suspected there might be even more to his daughter's condition than he was able to share in that phone call. I called our sister to catch her up on the situation.

More time elapsed without further contact or new updates and my sister and I feared the worst. We struggled with our overwhelming instinct to run to our brother and sister-in-law's side but we also respected that they were inundated with worrying about their only child while helping to care for the 2 year old and now the newborn grandchildren. Finally, on that Saturday, I got the call we feared letting me know that Kate had passed away.

That evening we went to Kate's home to be with the family and to offer any possible love and support that we could. In this twenty-first century women are not supposed to die from childbirth. As I sat holding one child on my knee and the other in my arms all I could think was that parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. Men aren't supposed to become widowers at 32. A two year old and a newborn are not supposed to be motherless. Nothing was right. The world was off its axis.

After some time had passed and I was settled back into the normal routine of caregiving for my mom I was feeling the urge to resume my blog. Summer was just beginning, I was planning a short vacation and also planning my annual summer shindig that my friends and I all look forward to. I had a birthday party to go in Central New Jersey and I needed some "down time" with dear friends.

It was a beautiful day for the birthday party and everything was shaping up great. I didn't even have to drive myself to NJ as I was being "chauffeured" by a friend and her husband. We arrived at the party and I was having a great time seeing old friends, laughing and relaxing. That lasted for about 2 hours before I got a phone call from my mother's aide telling me that my mother was having difficulty breathing and I needed to come home. I told her to call 911 and get her to the hospital that that I would be home as soon as possible but that was 2 hours away.

I informed my "chauffeur", we said hurried "goodbyes" and headed to the hospital. All the while I was in contact with the aide for updates which were not good. My mother was turning blue. My mother was struggling to breathe. "Where was the 'DNR'?" [Oh my God] I was in a panic. After all these years of caring for my mother on a daily basis I didn't want her to die without me by her side. I understand her advanced age and declined health but one is never ready to lose a loved-one. Now this is a caregiver's big fear.

Meanwhile I called my sister who was also out of town on vacation and about the same distance from my mother as I. I make an executive decision not to call my brother until we know what's going on because he had enough time in the hospital with his daughter and this was too soon.

I arrived at the hospital and when I saw my mother in the ER she was in bad shape. I knew she was close to the end. The doctors said it was pneumonia and we all know how serious that is for anyone let alone a 90 pound 90 year old. She was struggling to breathe and looks so frightened. I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability. They had her on antibiotics, fluids and oxygen but her numbers were very bad.

The doctor caught me up on her condition and suggested we give morphine to try and relax her breathing. That concerned be but I agreed. He also informed me that she wouldn't make it through the night. I know this is a prophecy we have been given all too many times in the past but this time I believed the doctor.

We stayed with my mom until she calmed down and was more comfortable and at least her oxygen level approached normal. She was resting and had had the morphine so there was really no more we could do. I asked her aide to stay with her and to stay in contact with me through the night, which she did. She's great with my mother and my mother loves her so I knew my mother was in good hands. As is my tradition in these situations, I kissed my mother goodbye, told her I loved her and also told her that I was making sure she had whatever help she needed to survive but the choice was hers'. I told her I would understand if she was tired of fighting but it was between her and God.

Once again my amazing Adelaide defied all the odds! That woman has the most amazing strength, grace and will to live. It was a struggle, to be sure, but my mother was back home with me in plenty of time to celebrate her turning 91! You may recall that it was a year ago that we went through a similar trauma and she celebrated her 90th in the hospital.

We survived another "incident" and Adelaide is doing fine! Aside from getting even more gray hair, I also managed to get a nasty upper respiratory and inner ear infection while spending so much time in the hospital. That lasted nearly two weeks with heavy, nausea-inducing antibiotics. I also had to postpone my planned [very much needed] vacation.

THE CLUSTER FUCK CONTINUES

Mom and I were both back to health and I booked a second attempt at a little vacation. I was desperate for some swimming, sun and fun. New Jersey Shore: here I come! I had a week before the second attempt at vacation so I decided to begin work on my afore-mentioned annual summer party. I tend to go just a little overboard and build some simple theatrical sets so there is a backdrop for whatever theme I have conjured. Yes, my neighbors think I'm nuts but they know my history as a man of the theatre and arts. Last year one of my neighbors wanted to know if I was "getting ready to put on dinner theater" in my backyard!

The set-building was going great. This party was to have a simple Italian-American backyard BBQ theme to invoke my childhood. Think of it as "Jersey Shore" meets "The Godfather" with a lovely trellised, grape covered bar, chianti, red and white check table cloths and make-your-own panini buffet. The trellis / arbor bar structure was done and looked great. After 4 or 5 hours in the blazing sun I decided it was time to hang the grapes and vines. I stepped back to admire/assess my wonderful creation. Unfortunately when I stepped forward again I was still admiring and not looking at the ground.

I managed to stumble over the combination saw that was on the ground and I fell smack down onto my face. I remember thinking "I think my teeth went through my upper lip" before I passed out for a couple of seconds. When I came to I put my hands to my face and was ecstatic to find my teeth and lips intact. It wasn't until I managed to get to my feet that I noticed that in the stumble over tools I managed to tear a chunk of fat and muscle out of my right leg.

After some screaming and swearing, my friend helped me to the front porch. I told him where to find my emergency kit along with some wound-care supplies [always on hand] and I cleaned the wound and got a nice tight bandage around the leg. I then had him fetch my wallet, iPhone and some clean clothes for our trip to the ER. He yelled at me for wanting to change my clothes before heading to the ER. I guess he doesn't know me as well as I had assumed. After so many years of caregiving I should have my own parking space out front although I am rarely there for myself.

While we were waiting for me to get stitched up my friend said " well, I guess you're not going to the shore on Tuesday". "Like hell" I protested. Frankly, it hadn't crossed my mind with all the commotion. "If I have to go in an ambulance, I'm not missing this trip again!"

Did I mention that although I'm a terrific and brave caregiver, I'm a horrible and cowardly patient? I'm fine with blood. ....other people's blood. My blood, not so good. I hate needles. I've only had stitches one other time. I'm thinking it might be a good time to pass out until it's over. I didn't pass out even though the lovely doctor kept telling me how "ugly" the wound was and that "it wasn't going to be one of those nice scars" and then added "I'm going to have to stitch it open because I can't pull it together". I still didn't faint, but I wanted to. Instead, I explained that I'm a coward and asked the kind doctor to get me an nice little anti-anxiety pill. She obliged and while I was being x-rayed and examined, the pill had time to take me to a better place.

I got stitched up [without fainting], asked the doctor about swimming in the ocean on my vacation [told "NO"] and even managed to have my mom's aide drive us out for dinner that evening. Perhaps the dinner wasn't such a good idea. In the middle of dinner Niki the aide looked at my leg and noticed that I was hemorrhaging through the bandage. On the way home we made a side trip back to the ER. Yes, twice in one day...and now it was mid-evening and the place was mobbed. Anyway, I got patched up and sent home to spend lots of time with my leg elevated and not much else.

Vacation day finally arrived. I decided I was OK to drive and I was going to go even if it meant bringing medical supplies and of course, eliminating the "swimming" portion of the trip. Yay! The shore at last! I walked a lot. I played tons of mini golf. Everything was swell. No, really, swell. Or perhaps I should say "swollen". My leg swelled from my toes to my knee. I called a doctor friend and was assured I'd be OK if I kept it elevated as much as possible and that did work.

My trip was short but great. I didn't / couldn't swim but that was OK. There was a lot of summer left and I'd get more chances to swim when the stitches came out after 10 days. To ease back into being at home a friend invited me to a workshop of a new play. Perfect! It was a beautiful sunny Sunday.

We sat in the theatre thoroughly enjoying the show. A short time into the show I was thinking to myself "I know it's hot out but I wonder who it is that stinks". This was odd because we were surrounded by some pretty well know celebrities and theater people. It wasn't until intermission that my dear friend said to me: "look, I know you hate doctors but you have to promise me you'll go to the doctor tomorrow. I think your wound is infected because it smells". She was, of course right. I had been smelling my own leg wound! I hope no one from the CLOSER reads this!

OK, trip number three in 10 days to the ER. Hell yes, infected. So much for having the stitches out and resuming my summer activities. Antibiotics and 5 weekly visits from my mother's wound care doctor the last stitch came out 2 weeks ago. I'm as good as new but the original doc was right about not being "pretty". No leg modeling in my future.

So far it's been a great summer. Anyone else who shares my seasonal depression will understand just how important my summers are to me. I forged ahead with my summer party plans. I streamlined a little but I was determined the "show would go on".

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

About 10 days before my big party my wonderful old pal Mickey, who had a rather large tumor, began to bleed where the tumor had ruptured. I tried to tend to him but I couldn't get things under control. This guy is over 13 years old which is very old for a golden retriever. I felt so sorry for him but knew I had to muster the strength to do the right thing. I kissed him goodbye and I sent him off to the animal hospital to be put to sleep. I sobbed like a child along with a dear friend who was helping me through this. This is the same friend who told me my leg was rotting.

The day you get a puppy is the same day you begin to dread the eventual day that you are going to have to say goodbye to him. We picked up his bowls and gathered his toys from around the house because I didn't want to stare at them. My friend left. I moped. The phone rang. It was the Vet calling to tell me that Mickey was in good enough shape, even for his age, that they could remove the tumor safely and that we didn't need to euthanize him. Oh, it was, of course, going to be expensive.

When you're grief stricken and get a reprieve how can you think about cost? I think they know that, the doctors. Now if I say "go ahead with the original plan" I feel like a murderer. It's one thing to put your friend to "sleep" when it's the right thing to do but quite different if he can be helped. Of course I gave the "OK" for the surgery. Money be damned.

Mickey did very well with the surgery even though it took twice as long, he had to stay in the hospital twice as long and the cost was three times as much as the estimate! After some recuperation, my dear old pooch is doing just great. I keep telling him I want to change his name from Mickey to Jaguar because I could have had a new car with what he cost me! Still, that is the most happy news of the summer. Instead I tend to call him Lazarus because he came back from the dead.

My summer soiree came off without a hitch. The weather was wonderful. My friends and I had a really great time. Some of my high school mates that were at the party hadn't seen one another in 30+ years!

Since the party I have seen the babies a few times, my mom has been doing well, my leg is healed and I'm OK'd to swim, dog is amazingly well and summer party was a huge success! We have also had a 5.8 earthquake, a direct hit by a hurricane, some locusts, plague and a meteor hit but we survived.

This summer is not one that will ever be forgotten. Our lives were forever altered. We will always see Kate in her two beautiful and precious gifts to us.

I am looking forward to a wonderful autumn!

OK blog readers, I'm back!

I hope you get back in the habit of visiting here.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - BAKED RICE PUDDING

2011-05-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

Oven-baked rice pudding is one of my favorite desserts. I like it with a lot of custard, cold and with a dollop of whipped cream. You can have it either way but I prefer mine without raisins. Sometimes I like diced dried apricot and/or slivered almonds but usually I'm a "purist".

This is a simple, flexible recipe sure to satisfy.

Whenever I make rice in my handy electronic rice cooker I make extra. I like to have it on hand to throw in soup or make into Spanish Rice or use it for rice pudding.

Ingredients:

1.25 cups cooked white rice [not instant variety]

2.5 cups milk

.5 cup sugar

4 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 vanilla bean + .25 tsp. pure vanilla extract

.5 tsp. ground cinnamon

.25 tsp. fresh grated nutmeg

pinch of ground cardamom [optional]

.75 cup raisins [optional]

butter for coating baking dish

Method:

Begin by soaking vanilla bean in the milk for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 325* and grease an 8" X 8" baking pan with soft butter, place the pan inside a 9" X 13" baking pan and put aside.

Combine eggs, sugar and spices and slightly beat.

Remove the vanilla bean from the milk and reserve. Add milk to eggs and lightly beat with a whisk.

With a sharp knife, split the vanilla bean and remove the seeds by scraping with the dull side of the knife. Add the seeds to the liquid mixture.

Add the cooked rice and stir. Add the raisins [if you're one of those people] and pour the mixture into the prepared smaller pan.

Move the double pan set-up to the oven and fill the outer pan with about 4 cups very hot water to make the water bath.

Bake for 30 minutes, stir and then bake for an additional 20 minutes. Carefully remove from oven and allow to cool before serving. I like to refrigerate mine before eating.

Enjoy!

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

2011-03-31T12:18:00.000-04:00

Online Radio Interview

On Tuesday April 5th at 8:30 PM Eastern time I will be intereviewed on the HealthyPlace Mental Health Radio Show, an online radio show that airs over the HealthyPlace.com website. The show is focusing on Adult Children of Parents with Alzheimers.

They will also place a small blurb about me on their website.

I hope you will listen to the show.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE RADIO SHOW AND SITE

PRUDENTIALISM

2011-03-24T11:27:00.002-04:00

"Prudentialism is a moral principle based on precautionary principles that are acting to avoid a particular negative effect."

wikipedia

Recently I noticed a woman walking aimlessly near my home. As I watched her amble in the cold and fading daylight I realized that it was an elderly neighbor from a couple of blocks away. I knew her. She was a college friend of my mother's and like my mother has Alzheimer's disease. This is not someone who should be wandering alone so I gingerly approached her, introduced myself to her and asked if I could help her. She graciously refused my assistance explaining that she was out for a walk. "I'm fine" she proclaimed in a thin voice, "I'm not ready to go home".

I didn't want to scare or upset the wandering neighbor. This is not the first time I have seen her out and about. I know her husband is also up in years but I also know that they have a caregiver. I called their home and explained to the husband that I had seen and talked with his wife but she refused my help. He thanked me and said that they were looking for her and would take care of bringing her home.

Shortly thereafter I got a call from a police officer asking me where I had seen the neighbor as he was helping to locate her. Later I got a call from the husband to let me know the wanderer was home and to thank me once again.

This time there was a happy ending. I'm still worried about their situation because what will happen the next time if they don't make any changes to their environment.

"Roaming" is a particularly frightening problem with dementia patients but it is only one of many serious yet preventable dangers not only for dementia patients but for the elderly at large. There are many tricks, aids and gadgets to solve the common threats. The time to become familiar with them is before you need them. The time to implement them is also before they are needed.

Roaming:

The issue of roaming can be easily addressed both for prevention and recovery. For prevention, there are inexpensive electronic alarms that can be placed on exit doors. You can even place them on internal doors for nighttime monitoring within the home. These simple, battery powered alarms sound if a door is opened to alert you. They can be purchased over the internet, from your local Radio Shack and even from "As Seen on TV" at your local mall.

Recovery devices are more expensive but there are GPS services available. The patient wears a bracelet with a GPS device that you can track from home.

Safety in the home:

The average home is filled with hazards. Danger lurks around every corner. The first danger to address is the one place we should all feel safest: the bed. I have heard so many stories from fellow caregivers about parents falling out of bed. Some have found a parent on the floor hours or even days after the fall. If your love-one isn't ready for a full hospital bed you can easily and inexpensively outfit a normal bed with side-rails. They can be found at stores that sell infant and children's furnishings, major chain toy stores, on the internet and through surgical supply stores. They are simple to install and to use and worth any cost to prevent injuries.

If the patient is still self-ambulatory it is imperative that you install rails at key locations around the home. Showers, toilets, stair landings and near entry doors. These may require pro installation but they are a must.

Stairs pose a particularly worrisome challenge. There is a remedy. It is costly but effective and safe. It will extend the time your loved-one can safely move about the house, prolonging "normalcy". It is the stairlift. They can be either purchased or rented and there are many styles to suit your needs and your home. We have had ours for over 10 years and it was well worth the investment. These are available from specialty sources which can be found on the internet or in your phone directory yellow pages.

The next item may seem daunting but it for the benefit of both patient and caregiver. The Hoyer Lift. This is a pneumatic winch and sling system used to lift and transport a bed-bound patient. The patient can be lifted in either a seated or prone position. One person can easily lift the patient for bed changes or to aid in transport from bed to chair, etc. This has been a back-saver for me and I think my mother actually enjoys the ride. Medicare will pay for this rental if it is medically prescribed.

Of course there are also small precautions to be taken such as removing obstacles and scatter rugs. Another precaution is to check the temperature of your hot water. Make sure it is not hot enough to scald if the patient dials it up to high.

Please evaluate your home or your loved-ones' home and make any improvements you think are necessary. This will save you hours in the ER as well as fending off feelings of guilt.

"An ounce of prevention" really is "worth a pound of cure".

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - IRISH SCALLOP "PIE"

2011-03-11T11:33:00.000-05:00

If it's "Irish" you know it has potatoes! This is a delicious variation on Shepherd's Pie and perfect for the Lenten season. The recipe calls for baking in the traditional "pie" shape but I also like to bake it in ramekins for individual servings as a decadent first course.

Ingredients:

1.5 pounds fresh large scallops

1 carrot [diced]

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

3 tablespoons butter

1 generous tablespoon all purpose flour

8 sliced white mushrooms

1/4 cup cooking sherry

1 cup light cream

3 cups mashed potatoes [prepared]*

1 egg

Method:

Preheat oven to 350*

Prepare mashed potatoes as you normally would but beat in 1 egg and set aside. This is also an excellent use for leftover mashed potatoes!

Rinse the scallops and quarter them. Poach them in the light cream, salt and pepper for 15 minutes.

Parboil the carrot, drain and set aside.

While the scallops are poaching, melt the butter in a small sauté pan and sauté the mushrooms. When the scallops are done, drain but reserve the warm light cream. When the mushrooms are softened, stir in the flour and mix well. Then add the warmed light cream and the sherry while stirring constantly. Remove from heat, add the scallops, sherry and carrot.

Transfer the scallop mixture to a casserole dish [ceramic pie or quiche dish works well]. Cover with the mashed potatoes and dot with additional butter if desired.

Bake for 25 minutes until lightly browned.

Serve with soda bread and your favorite ale.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

*prepare mashed potatoes with milk, butter, salt and pepper. A tub of prepared mashed potatoes from your grocer's refrigerated section [Country Crock, Bob Evans, etc.] are a great shortcut trick for this.

CAREGIVER AS MANAGER

2011-02-24T13:02:00.001-05:00

The word "caregiver" conjures up images of healthcare, companionship and moral support. What many people do not consider is that so much time is devoted to being a manager. The amount of paperwork can be staggering. Bureaucracy is intimidating. If caregiving is stressful, managing is exhausting and mostly unrewarding. When one signs on to be a caregiver for a loved one they never expect that the total realm of the job will take on that of CEO.

When my aunt Theresa began to fail at the age of 93, my sister and I had to step in. Luckily she had appointed us as Power of Attorney several years earlier. This legally enabled us to act on her behalf in her best interest. At first I took over her bill-paying and straightened out her finances. She had always been meticulous but the early stages of dementia had taken its toll on her book keeping.

When her condition further deteriorated, we had to make the difficult decision to place her in a nursing facility. Now what were we supposed to do? After the limited time that insurance would pay for her stay, the facility charges a staggering $355.00 per day. That is roughly $11,000.00 per month. I continue to think of how luxuriously I could be living on that kind of money for housing.

Theresa owned her own modest two-family home which we would have to sell. Trying to sell any home in the current real estate market is difficult and time consuming but a house that hadn't been updated in 50 years was going to be impossible.

After quite a bit of research I decided that a reverse mortgage would be our best hope. The reverse mortgage process was simple enough and took about 5 weeks from start to finish. Now the paperwork had begun! First there was the application process which required copies of documents which I had to hunt down. Then there was a required phone interview. Then, finally the closing process. The closing required my signing in no less that 130 places on the documents. Not only did I have to sign, but I had to sign in the extended and clumsy legally required "owner's name by my full name 'as attorney in fact'". That was quite a challenge for a guy with Carpal Tunnel problems! It was made worse because they changed their mind as to the exact signature format half-way though the process and I had to go back and revise all those signatures.

I chose to go with a reverse mortgage because it would buy time. I could use some of the funds to pay the nursing home. I would use some funds to renovate the house in order to make it salable. I would allocate some of the money to fund everything while waiting for the house to sell. I figured it gave me about a year to have the house sold.

Before any real work could get started, my sister and I had to spend several weeks sorting through my aunt's possessions. Not only is this tedious and back-breaking, it's emotionally draining. It's thought provoking when you see what a life boils down to. As a side note, I went home every evening and began to sort though my own possessions and make donations.

We did months of renovations to the house. I hired a contractor, electrician and plumber. We used four large dumpsters for building debris and a large part of fifty years of accumulation. We donated huge amounts of clothing and household items to charitable organizations.

Anyone who has ever experienced home renovation or has seen "The Money Pit" understands what a management job this is. Planning, design, decisions, budget, permits and delays rule your life.

Finally the house is finished, the tenants have vacated, the house is "staged to sell" and the realtor is chosen. More paperwork for the realtor agreement. The house is officially "on the market".

All that work, time and money paid off. We had a buyer in less than a week! In any market economy that would be impressive and in this "burst bubble" it was amazing. Now more bureaucracy: sign the contracts, wait for home inspectors, haggle over required upgrades, and spend more money for asbestos removal.

Now the waiting game. We found the buyer in 6 days. The buyer had to wait months for financing. We had to continue to carry the house. Now winter was here which meant I had to heat the house. Not only did I have to heat the empty house but I had to worry about heating the empty house through blizzards, sub-zero temperatures and storms. I had to keep checking to be sure the heat was working. I had to keep the snow shoveled. I had to worry about vandals.

Finally after several postponements it was closing day for the sale of the house. Oh, good. More paperwork, more [full, legal, expanded] signatures. Done! No more worry about the empty house. The "albatross" had been removed from around my neck. I'm ecstatic! Free sailing from here on out, at least as far as the property was concerned.

That feeling of liberation and satisfaction was brief. Now it is time to apply for Medicaid so that when all of my aunt's hard-earned money has been used to pay for her nursing home stay, the government insurance will begin to pick up the tab. "Government" is the operative word here. Not only do you have to spend your life's savings but then there is a 50 page application to be filled out. Along with that application you have to submit endless amounts of supporting documentation. You have to provide five years of bank statements, receipts for expenditures over $3000.00 each and every other form of legal document you can think of. You have to dig up everything from birth certificate to tax returns, marriage certificate, spouse's death certificate...and the list goes on.

I'm half-way though collecting the required documentation. So far the stack of copies on my desk has reached 20 inches. It is a nearly impossible task to document someone else's life this way. My aunt was very fastidious about keeping records and document and I am still having a dreadful time filling in the blanks.

I can't wait to get back to only having to worry about my normal duties as caregiver for my mother. Sitting quietly doing my own personal work will be a pleasure.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - ITALIAN RICOTTA CAKE

2011-02-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

Italian Ricotta Cake

This is a wonderfully simple recipe which is actually an embellishment to a boxed cake mix. A guaranteed pleaser, when I serve this for company everyone begs for the recipe. My family loves it. My friends love it. I love it. Don't let the rustic appearance fool you. This cake is moist and creamy, light and satisfying. There is a cake layer on the bottom with the scrumptious ricotta cheese layer on the top. You can bake it in one large rectangle cake pan but I prefer to bake it in two 9 inch round pans. I usually put one of the baked cakes in the freezer for a future treat!

Ingredients:

1 package white cake mix* and ingredients listed on box

in addition:

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

2 pounds ricotta

1 teaspoon vanilla**

Method:

Preheat oven to 350*

grease and flour 1(9 x 13) or 2 (9" round) pans

Prepare cake mix as directed on box and pout into prepared pan(s).

In the same mixing bowl that you used for the cake mix, combine eggs, sugar, ricotta and vanilla and mix well. Pour cheese mixture over the cake batter in the pan(s).

Bake in preheated oven 1 hour 10 minutes for the rectangle or 50 minutes for the round cakes. Cakes are done when golden and firm.

Cool in pans.

Turn out onto plates or tray and dust with confectioner's sugar just before serving.

I like to serve this with fresh raspberry puree drizzled on the plate.

*yellow or flavored cakes can be substituted

**orange juice or Amaretto can be substituted

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - PASTA e CARCIOFI

2011-02-04T20:13:00.000-05:00

Pasta with Artichokes

This is a very simple, delicious and flexible recipe. Light and satisfying, you can add, remove or substitute vegetables and even shrimp or clams. I Like to keep mine to about 4 main ingredients served over angel hair pasta.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup olive oil

1 stick salted butter

1 clove elephant or 4 cloves regular garlic [chopped]

One 10 ounce bag frozen artichoke hearts

2 carrots [peeled and rough chopped]

2 tablespoons chopped onion

2 tablespoons sliced sun dried tomatoes [in oil]

6 leaves fresh basil

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

1 cup canned garbanzo beans [optional]
Freshly grated Romano or Parmesan cheese

Prepared pasta of choice

Method:

In a large skillet, combine oil and butter and let the butter melt over medium heat. Boil the carrots until just fork-tender. Cook the artichoke hearts in microwave as directed on package. Sweat the garlic and onion in the oil until translucent but do not let brown. When the garlic/onion are cooked, add the drained carrots and the artichoke hearts. Continue to simmer on low and add the

sun dried tomatoes, oregano, salt, black and red pepper [to taste].

Drain pasta, reserving 3/4 cup of the cooking water. Toss in a large bowl with the artichoke mixture. Add reserved cooking water as needed for a shiny, moist dish. Toss in the basil.

Serve with grated cheese at the table.

UP TO THE PRECIPICE

2011-01-30T22:29:00.004-05:00

Gloria Eleanor Clemente

Gloria was a strong woman. Except for one serious hospitalization I never remember her ever being sick. If she was ever sick she certainly never let it stop her. Hardy stock those Clemente women. Enviable for their strength, determination and longevity. Gloria was my mother's next younger sister and would be 89 years old now.

Sometimes strength can also be translated as stubborn. Stubborn can masquerade fear. Fear can hide embarrassment. Nine years ago Gloria began to have some "female" problems. After doing her best to hide her discomfort she finally confided in my sister who urged her to see a gynecologist. After much persuading from the family, Gloria went to the doctor.

The doctor immediately referred her to a specialist for what turned out to be cancer of the vulva. The specialist performed quite radical surgery during which Gloria encountered some surgery-related problems. After a very difficult recovery period she was doing remarkably well. At her six month check-up the doctor was very pleased.

By the time the one year check-up rolled around Gloria had once again been hiding additional symptoms. The doctor made the pronouncement that the cancer had returned. If an original diagnosis of cancer is bad, reoccurrence is much worse.

By this time early signs of dementia had been surfacing. Signs easily recognizable to a nephew who had been taking care of his mother with Alzheimer's disease for a dozen or so years at that point. The dementia combined with the problematic previous surgery ruled out another surgery. My sister and I were in agreement with the surgeon. We agreed to a consult regarding radiation therapy. We also agreed that we would not tell Gloria the extent of her condition because of the dementia. These are very difficult but pragmatic decisions caregivers are faced with. I decided it was more humane not to keep her completely informed.

The visit to the radio oncologist was devastating. The doctor examined Gloria and then made an excuse to speak with my sister and me alone. She said the treatment would be excruciating. It would require weeks of burning treatment with frequent hospital stays. I asked the prognosis and the doctor said she thought Gloria would have four to six months with the treatment. "With the treatment"! My sister and I were stunned. I looked at Patricia who was now in tears and then asked the doctor to please give us the information for Hospice. There was no way we would put my aunt through torture for such little gain.

The doctor was lovely. She said she was hoping we would choose Hospice and promptly contacted them for us. We agreed that we would tell Gloria that her discomfort was part of the healing process, knowing that she would never be able to get thought the months ahead of her if she didn't have hope. We knew what we were in for.

Within the week the Hospice representative was in my kitchen getting things started. That was the first night I slept in a while because I knew I wouldn't have to face this tragedy alone in my home. Now I had Gloria on Hospice and my mother with her advanced dementia. I had been thrust into running a de facto nursing facility.

Hospice was miraculous. There were people to take care of Gloria. Supplies would magically appear at my front door. There were numbers to call if [when] I was feeling overwhelmed. Hospice looks after the whole family.

Overwhelmed happened. Even the strongest of caregivers is mortal. Between the stress of both patients, the parade of strangers through my home and seeing Gloria in ever-failing health, I ended up with pneumonia. It wasn't horrible but it was a warning for me to take care of myself. That is a caution to all caregivers: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! It's akin to the instructions on an airplane that "in case of loss of cabin pressure ...put the mask on yourself first and then help others".

Ultimately the excruciating pain exacerbated Gloria's dementia. My wish had been to make it through the holiday season which was about three months after the onset of Hospice. We made it gingerly though Christmas but on New Year's Eve morning I was awakened at 7 to Gloria hollering. She had gotten dressed and made it downstairs, which was miraculous, and was in full psychotic break. She was no longer in pain but had been transported, in her mind, back 40 years. She was calling for my father to take her to work. My father had been deceased for 30 years at this point.

I called Hospice and ultimately made the decision for Gloria to go to their cancer wing at a local hospital that they served. There were more ups and downs but I was able to rest knowing that she was being well taken care of. I knew that I was no longer able to provide the comfort and care that was required to make her final time comfortable.

Seven years ago this week I got the 5 o'clock in the morning call, in the middle of a blizzard, telling me that Gloria had passed away. The pain and suffering were over. None of our lives would ever be quite the same again.

Pushed to my limits I was forced to learn so much from this experience. An experience that no one wants to face but so many of us do. I found strength and compassion that I never knew I had. I learned more about caregiving and Hospice and bureaucracy than any post-graduate degree could ever offer. An education I never wanted.

Never feel that you have to face these challenges alone. For end of life, Hospice is there to ease the burden and the trauma. At other, less serious, times there is Visiting Nurse. Consult your physicians. Turn to your clergy. Utilize the help that is out there for you. It's never going to be easy but at least it becomes more bearable.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - PIZZA

2011-01-21T11:48:00.002-05:00

PIZZA!

The word alone makes most people smile. That perfect combination of home made bread, tomato, cheese opens the door to an endless variety of personalization choices. For me, the basic combination is all I need but once in a while I splurge with some fresh asparagus or leftover meatballs or shrimp.

There are few aromas that can compete with that of pizza baking in your oven. The rich cheeses, the aromatic basil and the slight acidity of the tomato all get your memories flowing and your mouth watering.

I am going to give you the basics, including the dough recipe. I promise not to frown if you choose to use a fresh pizza dough from your grocer's refrigerator or from your local bakery. They are fairly readily available and perfectly acceptable. Please do not used one of those pre-formed packaged pizza / focaccia shells sitting on the shelf next to the white bread.

I do not usually advocate single-use or specialty gadgets but one item that I suggest you add to your collection of baking sheets and pans is an aluminum pizza screen. They are reasonably priced and help produce a wonderfully crisp crust.

Ingredients:

[for the dough]

1 package active dry yeast

1.5 cups room temperature water

3.5 cups all purpose or bread flour

1 tablespoon salt

1 tablespoon olive oil

[for the topping]

2 cups shredded cheese [I like the mozzarella/provolone mix]

1/3 cup grated Romano or Parmesan cheese

6-10 fresh basil leaves

2 teaspoons dried oregano

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 cup tomato puree

1 small clove garlic, minced

Method:

[for the dough]

Combine the dry ingredients in the bowl of your stand mixer or in a large bowl if you are going to kneed by hand. Stir to mix well. Add the oil and all but 2 tablespoons of the water. Mix with the dough hook for 5 minutes. If the dough seems dry then add the rest of the water. Let rest for 5 minutes and kneed for another 10 minutes. Transfer the dough to an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let rise for an hour.

[for the sauce]

For pizza it is best to use a raw "sauce". Please don't use a pre-made sauce! Blend the tomato puree, garlic, oregano, salt and pepper.

Assemblage:

When the dough has risen for an hour, turn it out onto a floured surface. I like to use a silpat mat for this but you can work directly on your counter top.

Preheat oven to 425*

Rub some flour on your hands and begin to stretch the dough with your hands. At this point you can cheat and use a floured rolling pin to flatten and continue to stretch the dough until it is quite thin but not torn. This dough generally makes a 16" crust. Feel free to leave the dough in a free-form shape if you are unable to get it into the traditional round. I like the rustic look and then you can be sure your guests will know it is handmade!

Place the dough on the pizza screen or baking sheet and very lightly cover with the sauce. The sauce should barely cover as illustrated in the photo above. If you use more sauce than that the pizza will be soggy.

Sprinkle the grated Romano over the sauce. Now arrange the fresh basil leaves over the pie. Cover with the shredded cheeses and sprinkle with the remaining olive oil.

Bake on middle rack for 20 minutes or until golden and bubbly.

Serve piping hot from the oven. You can also cut into bite-sized pieces and serve as an hors d'oeuvre.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - OVEN "FRIED" CAULIFLOWER

2011-01-14T20:22:00.002-05:00

Crispy breaded cauliflower baked in the oven is a wonderfully delicious, simpler and healthy alternative to the fried cauliflower I grew up eating [and loving]. I made this tonight as a side dish to our Friday night family dinner and we could have easily made this the centerpiece of the meal. Crispy on the outside and creamy and sweet on the inside you're going to want to try this recipe / method with all of your favorite veggies.

"cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education"
mark twain

Ingredients:

1 head fresh cauliflower

2 eggs

1 cup plain bread crumbs

1 cup all purpose white flour

1/3 cup milk

3 tablespoons grated Romano or Parmesan cheese

salt

fresh ground black pepper

1 tablespoon dried parsley flakes

1 tablespoon olive oil

non-stick cooking spray

Method:

Remove any leaves from the head of cauliflower and pare the florets. Begin by turning the head on its face so the stem is facing up. With a paring knife, remove the large center core and discard. Remove the florets by hand in chunks as pictured above.

Rinse the florets in cold water and then place in a pot with enough water to barely cover. Add 1 teaspoon salt and bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer and cook for about 5 minutes until barely fork tender. Immediately drain and run under cold water until cooled. Place in a colander and set aside.

Preheat your oven to 425*.

Cover a baking sheet with foil and spray with non-stick cooking spray.

Now set up for the traditional 3 bowl dredging:

Bowl 1: flour, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper.

Bowl 2: eggs, milk, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, parsley, cheese.

[beat these together as for scrambled eggs]

Bowl 3: bread crumbs, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon pepper.

One at a time dip a piece of cauliflower into flour, then egg wash, then roll in bread crumbs and then place on baking sheet.

When all the vegetable is coated and on the baking sheet, drizzle with the olive oil and put into the center of your pre-heated oven.

Bake for about 35 minutes until golden brown.

I prefer to serve these just the way they come out of the oven but you can certainly serve with your favorite marinara sauce or an aioli for dipping.

2010: CIAO, ADIOS, ALOHA, AU REVOIR, AUF WIEDERSEHEN & GOODBYE

2010-12-31T13:41:00.004-05:00

Well, that was certainly a full, amazing bittersweet year!

Nearly a full year has passed since I first introduced this blog. I began by telling a little about myself and my situation as caregiver. I proposed my mission and suggested what you might expect to find in upcoming posts. You met my mother and father and their sisters and brothers. I offered insights into family, friendships, caregiving, amusements, electronics, diversion and recipes. I shared some laughs and some tears and some good old-fashioned common sense.

I created this blog as a writing exercise. I had reached that proverbial "writer's block" on some projects I was working on and thought this would be a way to keep nimble and work through the block. I also knew I had caregiving information that was worth sharing; hard learned information from my years of real-life experience taking care of my bed-bound mother facing the ravages of Alzheimer's disease as well has having taken care of her sister who had succumbed to cancer a few years earlier.

I have been overwhelmed by the response I have gotten since my first post. The readership has constantly grown with dedicated fans from around the world. Letters I have received have touched my heart in ways I never expected. There are so many of you who are in caregiving situations, each with a personal story to share. You have been so generous with your compliments and gratitude. I am truly humbled. I am also grateful for the feedback you give me.

I have received notes from long-lost friends and family as well as strangers and new friends. I have been sent wonderful anecdotes from my mother's former students. I have gotten thank you notes from other caregivers. I have gotten requests for topics and especially requests for recipes. My "Foodie Friday" blogs quickly became a huge success. My "Mini Golf Monday" blog just as quickly drew hate mail! Who could have known that people had such visceral feelings about mini golf? I have even gotten a couple of date proposals!

I have postponed re-visiting some of my more popular posts because they were going to be too difficult to share until some time had passed.

Last February I introduced you to my father's last surviving brother, Uncle Eddie and his wife Lena in a blog titled "THE HOUSE THAT TIME FORGOT". This was a very popular story and one that was especially dear to me. It was an account of my visit with my aunt and uncle and reunion with my cousin and her husband. What a great visit we had. At the end of the blog I wrote:

"We left as we had arrived, in a flurry of hugs and kisses and tears. There were more tears as we were leaving than arriving. There is no doubt that we were all having the same thoughts and wondering how many more of these wonderful visits there will be. We promised not to let another two years pass and certainly not to let another twenty in between visits with my cousin."

which turned out to be more insightful that I had hoped. That wonderful visit turned out to be our last visit with Uncle Eddie. This summer he left us to join his three siblings: Mike, Joe and Pat. The last of a generation is now gone. The sturdy brick house still stands but it is just a little more sad. My aunt now lives there alone with her memories and ghosts.

In "DIARY OF A MAD CAREGIVER" I introduced you to my mother's "Munchkin Sisters". I was on a rant about coming home to find my kitchen covered in strawberry juice and the ease with which they were always able to deny culpability. In "TRANSITIONS, DECISIONS AND BUREAUCRACY" I told of the struggle to get the elder sister into a nursing facility because of her declining ability to care for herself.

I was able to place Theresa into a facility where she immediately made herself at home. In the tradition of the Clemente women, she is amazing. Her attitude is great. She adjusted to her new life immediately. Her demeanor is positive and healthy. In fact, on the approaching of her 93rd birthday this summer, my sister informed her that we were going to have a little party for her at the home. In classic Theresa style, she said to Patricia: "you don't have to make a fuss. We'll have a big party when I turn 100. That's the important one"! You can't help loving this tiny dynamo.

The youngest sister, the one I referred to as "Baby Jane", has been failing quickly. She has always been the problem relative and that's not getting any easier. She can barely take care of herself and her home. Her memory is failing. She has always been difficult but now even more so. Getting care for her is going to be the challenge for the new year. Unlike the graceful sister Theresa, Baby Jane refuses help and/or change. She refuses to admit her decline. She, also, has no children but she has not taken the legal steps to give authority to anyone. I don't know how this is going to play out but I know it's going to be a struggle.

My mother Adelaide continues to defy her doctors. Just before Christmas we had another round with one of the "Scaregivers". My sister and I had been hit hard with a cold that was going around. Despite our hand-washing and face covering, eventually mom also got sick. This cold was an especially strong strain even for those of us blessed with good health.

It walloped dear Addie. I spent a few nights at her side making sure she was comfortable and safely positioned to help her breathing. I put her on oxygen to make her breathe more easily and made sure she was getting her nutrition and fluids. One of her doctors came for a scheduled visit. He walked into her room, heard her cough and saw her coloring and proclaimed to me and my sister that he "wouldn't be surprised if she didn't make it through the night". He proceeded to declare that she had pneumonia and her coloring was a sure sign that she wasn't going to make it. He called in a prescription for antibiotics and said to keep her on the oxygen and make her as comfortable as possible. I did notice that he was hedging his proclamation by ordering 3 refills on the medication. Even the hardiest of the naysayers knows the determination of Adelaide.

That was 12 days ago. It was a difficult 12 days but Adelaide never gave up the fight. Once again she persevered and thrived. She is happy and comfortable and has no plans to go anywhere yet. She is bathed in love and blessed with an awesome temperament. Her smile and laughs are infectious. Even in the throes of Alzheimer's she continues to be a role model.

As we age, holidays and the passing from one year into the new one become more precious, more steeped in nostalgia. I like to consider the holidays as being colored a little more blue than they used to be. The future is less uncertain than it was.

It is nearly 70 blog entries since I that first introduction. My "writer's block" is long broken. My life is full and rewarding and I am a grateful man. I am constantly learning, making new friends and bonding with dear old friends. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Please continue to share your thoughts with me. I will continue to share with you in the new year.

To my fellow caregivers: be strong, take care of yourselves and look for the joy.

CAREGIVER V. SCAREGIVERS

2010-12-01T12:31:00.002-05:00

A hospital is no place to be sick

samuel goldwyn

There are frightening times for caregivers when quick, and potentially, life or death decisions must be made. One of our major goals is to keep our loved ones at home where they can be comfortable, happy and relatively safe. There are times when that is not possible and knowing when to call 911 is an acquired skill but if you are scared or unsure, it is better to be over cautious then wait until it is too late.

Not too long ago my mother had been showing some signs that she was getting another one of her frequent bouts of urinary tract infection. Over the years I have become an expert diagnostician from sheer practice and vigilant observation. I consulted with her doctor and we agreed to start her on her normal course of antibiotics and increased liquid intake.

The next day when I was performing our usual morning rituals I noticed an alarming rash beneath a covered section of her body. My mother was also lethargic and refusing food. This is always a bad sign with her. She has a great appetite normally. In the past, when these signs surface I know we're in for a tougher battle. I got some liquids into her and left her to rest for a little while.

When I returned to check on Adelaide, about 20 minutes later, she was having difficulty breathing. This is far from normal for her. I elevated her head, ran for the phone and called 911. I know the signs and these were all bad. She was going to need intravenous fluids and higher doses of antibiotics for the infection and I was scared by her breathing.

The paramedics were at my door in minutes. They're wonderfully quick to respond and good at what they do. They sprayed something in her mouth and put her on oxygen and whisked her to the hospital. The trip to the hospital is always scary because I fear the worst and don't know what to expect when she arrives. I was there waiting and now my sister had also arrived.

She was stabilized in the ER. Her breathing was back to normal and she was immediately put on an IV of fluids in case of dehydration. Dehydration often accompanies the urinary tract infections [UTI]. Now the tests begin.

As always, I suggest to the doctors that she has a UTI. As always, the doctors perform every test known to mankind before testing her urine. I know I'm not a doctor but I know my mother and this was probably her 10th trip to the ER for the same thing in 10 years. Up to this point I have been right 9 out of the 10 hospital visits.

As you may recall from previous blogs, my mother has a wound [bed sore] which we have been treating for quite a while with weekly doctor visits, nursing and my constant tending. Suddenly this has become the focus of the entire ER staff. All the "red lights" went off. My mother was placed in isolation. Wound specialist is called in. Infectious disease specialist is called in. We're all forced to wear protective gear as they are sure my mother's infection is more than just another UTI. [of course the urine tests have not come back from the lab yet]

The wound doctor calls me in. "You take care of the wound?" he asks. "Yes" I answer along with the details about her doctor and nurse visits. "I know how difficult it is to take care of these wounds" he proffers before congratulating me on the condition and health of the wounds. "I looked you mother over from head to toe and her skin is in amazing shape for a woman in her condition" he adds. He didn't see any signs of infection from the wound!

Whew! I was much relieved. That's really great news but I wasn't surprised because the wound looked perfectly fine to me earlier that morning and there was no tell-tale sign of odor or pus.

Now it was the infectious disease doctor's turn to examine my mother. I don't hear anything from her but the nurses tell me that my mother's blood tests have returned with an elevated white blood cell count which means she does indeed have an infection in her system. I'm assuming that means it is indeed another UTI. She is finally sent upstairs to a hospital room.

When we go to her room, in critical care, we are met by lovely nurses who tell us she is in isolation and we still have to follow procedures and wear gowns and gloves. This seems much for a UTI.

By the next morning my mother, the champ, is doing better. She's alert and certainly looks better. I'm told her white blood cell count is dropping nicely. I'm starting to relax .....a little.

That afternoon I got a call from the infectious disease "specialist" while I was at home resting. "This is very serious" she tells me. "The infection is coming from the wound and has gone to her bone and when that happens there is nothing that can be done for a woman of her age." I'm stunned. "But the wound care specialist said the wound was fine" I offered. "Infection can hide behind what you can see. Normally we would begin a long course of intensive IV drugs but your mother isn't a candidate for that invasive treatment. ...and we can't just send her home with oral meds because she can't swallow". "She can't swallow?" That's a new one on me. "We'll keep her here for a few days on the IV and then send her to a nursing home [to die]".

Now I'm devastated and confused. I call my sister. We cry. We rush to the hospital knowing no matter what, she's not going into a nursing home. Not now. Not after all the years I've had her at home. I'll take her back home, bring Hospice in and we'll cope.

The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession.

sir arthur conan doyle

We arrive at the nursing station outside my mother's door and glance into my mother's room where she is sitting up and looking pretty good. The nurse looks up and asks us what's wrong so I tell her about the call from the wound "specialist". "We just gave your mother the swallow test and she did fine. She ate a cup of applesauce". Now I'm confused even more. Then she says "she said the infection was from the wound and it was to the bone? We haven't even swabbed for a culture yet". Now I'm angry. "What the hell [I may have said something more colorful] is going on around here?"

We go into my mom's room and I call the nurse so that I can take a look at the wound to see if there has been any change. The nurse is great and obliges. "DR. Lanni" is now on call. The wound looks great. They have been taking wonderful care of her. We ask for some baby food. They bring it and my mother ate it all!

Later I went out and got her a McDonald's vanilla shake. Kill or cure. I mixed in some Ensure powder and she ate at least a cup of the mixture. Again, I'm feeling better.

Our strength is often composed of the weakness that we're damned if we are going to show

mignon mclaughlin

The next day is a milestone. A wonderful occasion. It is Adelaide's 90th birthday! There are better places to spend a birthday but my feeling is that any place you can celebrate being 90 is a good one! We bring ice cream. Family gathers. A dear friend shows up with a beautiful orchid. Mom is doing well. Her numbers are normal. She's off her IV. She's eating. We have been at the precipice and backed away once more.

The following day we arrive at the hospital to find that my mother has been moved out of critical care to a normal wing. My sister is delighted. I'm cautious. We find my mother and introduce ourselves to the nursing staff at this station, which is around the corner and down the hall from her room, and they seem fine. There is an aide feeding my mother and he is kind and gentle with her so that's a relief.

Now the staff doctor has appeared on scene and summons me to the nursing station while sporting a dour look on his face. He begins to reiterate what the infectious "specialist" had told me a few days before. My suspicions were founded and they had indeed moved her to this room to die. Once again he suggests transfer to a nursing home and kissing her goodbye.

"What about her wound culture?" I ask, grasping at hope. "It came back negative but.." he explained. "Infections hide. We could have tested a spot that was clean". "What about her white blood cell count?" I challenged. "It was 25000 when she arrived in the ER." "And now?" I asked. "7000". "What is 'normal'?" I wanted to know. I was told that was within the "normal" range. "What about the urine culture, what did that show?" He told me that had shown positive for "unspecified" infection.

Now let's recap: the wound culture was negative. The urine culture was positive. The white cell count is normal. She's eating and drinking. She's not on oxygen. All indicators are good so that means she's going to die? Am I hearing this wrong or am I once again faced with a doctor who looks at the checklist, puts them all together, factors in her age and her Alzheimer's and offers an opinion without factoring in the individual patient?

I go home and call a physician friend of mine for advice. I tell him all of her indicators and condition and test results at which point he stops me and tells me to get her home immediately before she does actually catch some hospital infection! Now I'm feeling better. I speak with my mother's weekly wound care doctor who also tells me to bring her home.

I listened to my instincts and the professionals who actually know her and brought Adelaide back home to her comfy bed, familiar surroundings, dog and people who love her. She brightened up as soon as she was placed in her bed. She was on antibiotics for another 10 days [orally, of course].

That was in August. She returned home to us August 10 which was 2 days after her grand 90th birthday celebration. She has been fine and happy. She continues to thrive, amaze and confound doctors.

I am fully aware that one day she will not return from that precipice. I try to be as prepared as one can possibly be. Each time we are faced with one of these situations I kiss Adelaide on the forehead and tell her over and over again: "I know you're scared. I'm here with you. I am going to make sure you have all the help you need if you want to hang on but I completely understand, with all of my heart, if you're tired of fighting and want to let go. It is your choice." I'm delighted that once again Adelaide chose life.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - GLAZED CHESTNUTS, FENNEL AND CARROTS

2010-11-12T10:53:00.000-05:00

Here is a English vegetable side dish recipe given to me about 20 years ago by a friend from London after he served it at a dinner party. I have adapted it by adding carrots and pearl onions and by adjusting the proportions of the ingredients. I have found this to be perfect holiday fare. I don't usually like fennel but it is wonderful prepared this way. Sweet & sour, rich and decadent, this is truly worth preparing for your Thanksgiving or Christmas guests!

Ingredients:

4 heads of fennel, quartered and washed

I jar or can of chestnuts

4 carrots, peeled, quartered and cut into 2 inch lengths

1/2 cup peeled pearl onions [frozen/thawed]

1/2 teaspoon dry fennel seed

1 stick butter

3/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1/3 cup muscavado sugar*

Method:

Cut the fennel lengthwise into quarters or sixths, wash and set aside in a large bowl with drained chestnuts and onions. Parboil carrots, drain and add to the other vegetables.

Spray a 9 x12 pyrex pan with cooking spray.

Pre-heat oven to 400*

In a medium sauce pan, melt the butter over medium-low heat. Add the sugar and melt until syrupy and then add the vinegar and the fennel seeds. Let cook for 1 minute, stirring.

Pour the syrup into the bowl with the vegetables and toss to coat. Pour the mixture into the prepared pan and bake for 45 minutes or until everything is soft and nicely glazed.

*A specialty brown sugar sometimes called "raw" sugar, Muscovado sugar is less processed than regular brown sugar. Smoky, spicy and complex, this sugar has a nice fine texture. If it is unavailable you can substitute regular dark brown sugar for the Muscavado.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - FRENCH ONION SOUP

2010-11-05T11:17:00.000-04:00

Classic French Onion Soup

[gratinee]

Messieurs et mesdames accueillir. Aujourd'hui nous cuisinons la soupe d'oignon. Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Today we are cooking onion soup.

This is my personal adaptation of the French classic. Simmered slowly, topped with cheese and baked. The aroma of the onions, the look of strings of melted cheese from bowl to mouth and the incredibly rich taste transport me back to 1970.

I was 10 years old when my mother [the French teacher] brought me to Paris for the first time. I lived on onion soup, croque madame and stuffed artichokes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Ingredients:

4 cups white onions, peeled and thinly sliced

2 shallots, peeled and thinly sliced

2 cloves garlic, smashed

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons olive oil

4 bay leaves

1 teaspoon herbs de province

6 cups beef stock

2 cups chicken stock

1/4 cup dry sherry

1/2 tablespoon flour

1 cup shredded gruyere cheese

1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

1 loaf French bread

2 teaspoons salt [to taste]

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

Method:

In a heavy 4 or 6 quart sauce pan heat the butter and oil over medium-low heat until bubbly and then add the onions, shallots and garlic. Sprinkle with the salt as this helps to break down the onions. Sautee slowly while frequently stirring until soft textured and nut-colored. This is a long process. Allow a good 15 minutes for the onions to develop their richness and caramelize but be careful not to let them burn. If they seem to dry during the process you can add more oil or butter as necessary.

When the onions have reached their desired stage, remove the pan from the heat and sprinkle with the flour, stirring well. Add the liquids and return to the stove. Stir well to remove any particles from the bottom of the pan. Add the herbs. Bring to a simmer over medium heat and then lower just to the simmer temperature. Cover and simmer for 40 minutes.

While the soup is simmering, slice the bread into 1/2 inch slices and place the slices on a baking sheet and bake in a pre-heated 400* oven for 10 minutes or until lightly toasted. Be careful not to burn the bread!

While the bread is in the oven, it is time to shred and grate your cheeses and then mix them together. Gruyere is recommended but you can substitute mozzarella or even Monterrey Jack. When the bread is toasted, remove from the oven, raise the oven temperature to 425* and allow to heat to temperature.

Prepare oven-safe bowls such as ramekins by spraying with cooking spray and place them on a cookie sheet lined with foil. Remove the bay leaves from the soup and ladle the soup into the bowls 3/4 full. Lay 2 or 3 pieces of the toast onto each of the filled soup bowls and then generously cover each with the cheese mixture.

Bake for 10 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling and slightly browned.

Place the soup bowls on serving plates and serve with the remaining toasted bread and additional grated Parmesan cheese. Be sure to let the soup cool for a few minutes before enjoying or you are sure to scorch the inside of your mouth!

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - ITALIAN BREAD

2010-10-29T12:49:00.001-04:00

This is my favorite yeast dough recipe because it is straight-forward and very versatile. I use it for Italian bread, rolls, pizza, stromboli and calzones. If I'm using the recipe for one of the pizza type recipes I cut the measurements in half and only let it rise once. I make the dough in my KitchenAid mixer but you can do it in a large food processor and , heaven forbid, by hand. I use all purpose unbleached flour but you can also use bread flour or substitute half the white flour for wheat. I suggest you begin with the original recipe and save the experiments for later.

This recipe is basic and easy but it is not quick. Good bread-making takes time. The mixer eliminates most of the strenuous, back-breaking work but you can't rush the rising process.

A few tips help assure a perfect product:

Make sure liquids are luke-warm at about 90*.

Be sure to use a glass container for proofing the yeast.

Be careful not to deflate the bread after the final rise.

Let the dough rise away from drafts.

Make sure the oven has been pre-heated for and additional 10 minutes before baking.

Have a good book or a DVD to watch in between risings.

Ingredients:

2 packages active dry yeast

7.5 cups flour

3 cups room temperature water

1 tablespoon salt

1 teaspoon sugar

2 tablespoons good olive oil

1/4 cup corn meal or bread crumbs

Method:

In a small glass bowl or measuring cup add 1/2 cup warm water and the sugar. Sprinkle the yeast over the sugar-water and set aside for 5 minutes or until you see bubbles form.

In the mixer bowl combine flour and salt and mix with a whisk briefly to combine. Place the bowl on the mixer and install the dough hook.

Now add the oil, 2 cups of the water and the yeast mixture. Lower the hook into the bowl and start on lowest setting to combine ingredients and then raise the speed to medium for 5 minutes. Turn off the mixer and walk away for 10 minutes for the dough to rest.

After the dough has rested and you have finished your cup of coffee, restart the mixer and allow to knead at medium to medium high speed for a full 15 minutes. Make sure you have the mixer on the back of your counter and keep an eye on it so it doesn't dance off and onto the floor. If the dough seems much too stiff you can add up to another half cup of water but add slowly and only as needed.

While the dough is kneading, lightly flower a bread board or clean dry counter surface with 1/4 cup flower. After the kneading, turn off your mixer and turn the dough out onto the floured surface. Knead by hand for about 10 turns of the dough. Form the dough into a ball. Lightly oil the mixing bowl and return the dough to the bowl and cover the bowl with plastic wrap and a towel. Set the dough in a warm place. The oven works fine so long as it is not turned on! Now the dough must rise for about 1.5 hours to what is called "doubled in bulk" stage.

Uncover the dough and press your fist right down into the middle of the risen dough and press the air out. Re-shape the dough into a ball, cover and set it back to rise again for about 1 hour this time..

During this rising time prepare a baking sheet by sprinkling with a thin layer of the corn meal.

After the second rising, turn the dough back out onto the floured surface. Divide the dough in half and form each half into a ball and place each on the baking sheet a few inches apart. Loosely cover with a damp cloth by draping the cloth of 4 large drinking glasses to keep it off the dough.

Allow to rise again for another 1 to 1.5 hours until doubled.

Preheat the oven to 375*

When the dough has finished the final rise, carefully remove the cloth and the glasses. Do not touch the risen dough! This is very important. Place the baking sheet in the middle of the preheated oven. Bake for 40 minutes or until nicely browned.

Remove the pan from the oven and allow the breads to cool.

EMPATHY - A VISIT FROM A VETERAN CAREGIVER

2010-10-26T11:53:00.001-04:00

Empathy:

"The capacity to, through consciousness rather than physically, share the sadness or happiness of another sentient being."

wikipedia

No matter how long you have been a caregiver or how confident you are in your choice to be a caregiver, reassurance and re-evaluation are always appreciated. Sometimes that "attitude adjustment" comes most unexpectedly and at a much needed time.

"Between our birth and death we may touch understanding as a moth brushes a window with its wing."

christopher fry

Last week I was having a small internal struggle with self pity. It happens. I'm sure it happens to everyone and it doesn't happen to me very often but there are triggers. There happened to be a "perfect storm" of triggers and while I wasn't dwelling or wallowing, I was preoccupied .

Firstly, it's Fall. Yes it is beautiful. Yes the leaves are pretty. Yes I like the crispness in the air. But. I have been known to get "seasonal affective disorder" or "SAD" when the days start getting shorter and summer is slipping away. I know winter is coming and I get "the blues". I have my self-help tricks to lessen the symptoms and I'm usually pretty good at picking myself up.

Secondly, I had just returned from a very nice brief trip to visit friends in New England. {if you can't avioid Fall, plunge into it head on} It was a terrific trip. I had a lot of alone or "me" time which is rare for an at-home caregiver. It was just enough of a taste of freedom to remind me of how restricted and structured my life has become.

Thirdly, and this may seem petty but, a dear, much younger friend got a wonderful job promotion. I'm very happy for him and I'm not jealous but it did contribute to my thinking about how my life might have taken a different path.

"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

harry hepner

It was a nice afternoon and I had gone outside to wrangle the trash cans that had been so thoughtfully tossed into the middle of the street by the "sanitation workers" when a car pulled to the curb, horn honking and driver waiving and smiling. I was busily swearing at the cans and muttering my usual litany about my tax dollars at work when the lovely woman emerged from her car.

"Christopher" I heard as I looked up from my wandering trash cans. I was in a daze but the face was familiar. "It's Eileen" she said effervescently. "Yes, of course" I said as I came into focus. It had been years since we'd seen one another but I knew that we had a common bond.

Eileen told me how glad she was to catch me outside and that she had recently had a dream about my mother. She asked how Adelaide was doing and told me a familiar tale of how my mother had so positively effected her own life and how fondly she remembered her. She regaled me with anecdotes of my mother as teacher and human being. I always love those stories. I've been so fortunate to hear so many of them from people responding to this blog.

I knew that Eileen had lost her mother who was also an Alzheimer's patient. I didn't know that Eileen had been her caregiver. We immediately understood one another with that special shorthand that only caregivers understand. Eileen told me about her experience as caregiver. I didn't even have to talk about mine.

Eileen is so upbeat and positive and caring. She spoke of the joys of caregiving as if it were a gift. She expressed my usual thoughts of not wanting to trade the bonding and shared time spent with our mothers for any other life path.

I told her that my mother had been having a really great day and asked if she'd like to visit with her. I knew that she understood my definition of "having a great day" and she quickly accepted the invitation . When she approached my mother they both lit up. Eileen looked like and angel and immediately began speaking to my mother in French [the language my mother had taught her some 40 years earlier] and my mother beamed.

"Cherish your human connections: your relationships with friends and family"

barbara bush

As Eileen was getting into her car she said "what I wouldn't give for one more hour of taking care of my mother".

Thank you Eileen for helping me to regain my perspective and to center myself. At the end of every "perfect storm" there is a beautiful ray of sunshine and all is right with the world once more.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE

2010-10-22T12:20:00.000-04:00

No Bake Pineapple Cheesecake

This recipe was handed down to me from an old cousin of my mother's. She made this confection for all sorts of special occasions and it has always been a crowd pleaser. I've served it myself for a few dinner parties to "ooohs and ahs" from my guests.

This is not a heavy New York style cheesecake and it's also a nice diversion from my Italian Ricotta cake. This is a refrigerator cake with no baking involved so there is no worry of turning out a cake with a split top. It is light and soft and full of pineapple which gives it a certain sweetness without being sickeningly sweet.

I like to garnish my dessert plates with a few stripes of raspberry puree from a squeeze bottle just to add a little color because the cake is pale.

Ingredients:

For the crust:

1.25 cups graham cracker crumbs

3 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons melted butter

hot water as needed

For the filling:

1/2 pint heavy cream

milk as needed

2 envelopes unflavored gelatin

1/2 cup sugar

2 egg whites

2 eight ounce packages of cream cheese, softened

1 one pound can crushed pineapple

1 regular box cook and serve vanilla pudding

Method:

Prepare the crust in a 10" spring form pan and allow to chill for at least one hour.

Crust:

Combine crumbs and sugar in a medium bowl to combine. Stir in melted butter until thoroughly blended. Test the mixture between 2 fingers to see if it holds shape. If not then add a couple drops of hot water. Press the mixture into the bottom of the pan with a spoon or juice glass. Chill for at least 1 hour before filling.

Filling

Strain the pineapple over a bowl and reserve the liquid. Add enough milk to the pineapple liquid to make 2 cups. Transfer the milk/pineapple liquid to a small pan and sprinkle with gelatin powder. Stir in pudding mix and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until thickened and begins to boil.

Remove pudding mixture from heat. Add cream cheese and beat with hand mixer until smooth. Stir in drained pineapple and mix well by hand. Allow mixture to cool to room temperature.

In a separate bowl beat egg whites until stiff while gradually adding 1/4 cup sugar.

In yet another bowl whip the cream with 1/4 cup sugar until soft peaks form.

Fold the egg whites into the cooled pudding mixture and then incorporate the whipped cream. Do not over mix!

Pour the mixture into the prepared, crumb lined pan. Refrigerate for at least 8 hours. Unmold* before serving and sprinkle with a tablespoon of graham cracker crumbs.

*to unmold: run a table knife around the edge of cake. Place the cake on a bowl and release the spring latch. Loosen the outer ring from the cake and slide it down, freeing the cake. Do not remove the cake from the bottom pan circle! Move the cake, with the bottom intact, to a serving plate.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - OSSO BUCCO

2010-10-08T10:59:00.000-04:00

Osso Bucco is a wonderful, melt in your mouth, braised shank in the traditional Milanese style. Literally, Osso Bucco means "bone with a hole" because these are marrow bones. I cook mine in my slow cooker for simplicity but you can certainly cook yours in a heavy pot in the oven. Traditionally served over risotto, I like mine with pasta. It is also tradition to use veal shank but you can easily use beef or pork. When I'm cooking for a casual dinner I use beef because of the price. Veal shank can be very pricey and pork shank is difficult to find unless you have a good butcher.

Ingredients:

4 veal shanks

1 medium white onion, diced

1/2 cup grated carrot

2 stalks celery, diced

3 tablespoons dried parsley flakes

1 teaspoon dried rosemary

1 teaspoon dried thyme

8 ounces beef or veal stock

16 ounces canned crushed tomatoes

2 tablespoons tomato paste

6 small cloves garlic, minced

1 cup good white wine

1 tablespoon salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 cup flour for dredging

Method:

Heat butter and oil in a heavy skillet over medium heat.

While the oil is heating, combine flour and 1 teaspoon of the salt in a bowl and dredge the meat in the flour.

Lightly brown the meat on both sides and place the browned meat in the slow cooker.

Add the vegetables to the skillet and cook to soften, stirring frequently. Add spices and tomato paste and stir. Add the wine and pour over the meat.

Add the tomatoes and the stock.

Cover and cook on medium for 5 hours. The meat will be "fall of the bone" tender. Carefully ladle the meat to a platter. Use the sauce over your favorite pasta or rice.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - SUPER SIMPLE STROMBOLI

2010-10-01T12:31:00.000-04:00

Stromboli is a rolled up cousin to pizza and calzones. Delicious meat and cheese rolled up in bread dough is easy to make and guaranteed to please. Casual and versatile peasant fare, they make a hearty meal or can even be used as hors d'oeuvres when sliced thin. This is even good cold or at room temperature. The filling choices are unlimited so I just going to give you the basics of my favorite and then you can use your favorite combination. Add genoa salami or sliced pepperoni for a little spice. You can even add some drained roasted peppers or drained, cooked chopped spinach.

INGREDIENTS:

1 prepared pizza dough from grocery refrigerated section or local bakery

1 eight ounce fresh or Buffalo Mozzarella

8-10 slices deli ham [boiled style]

2 tablespoons grated romano or parmesan cheese

fresh cracked black pepper

flour for dusting

1/2 tsp. sesame seeds [optional]

METHOD:

Let the dough come to room temperature for about an hour.

Preheat oven to 425*

Thinly slice the mozzarella.

Roll the dough on a lightly floured surface to an 8 x 12 rectangle. Grind the black pepper over the surface of the dough. Just a light coat is enough. Sprinkle the grated cheese over the surface. Lay the slices of cheese over the grated cheese, leaving 1/2" bare border. Arrange the ham in two layers over the cheeses. Starting at one of the shorter edges, carefully roll the layered dough away from you forming a log. Pinch the two sides to seal and press the seam. Lay the log, seam side down, on a baking sheet lightly sprayed with cooking spray. Sprinkle sesame seeds on the top of the roll and lightly press to the surface.

Bake at 425* for 25 minutes until golden brown.

Be sure to allow this to cool for 5 minutes before trying to cut. If cutting into thin pinwheels allow to cool a full 10 minutes.

It is customary to serve with marinara sauce on the side. I find the sauce unnecessary.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - LOBSTER POT PIE

2010-09-24T10:53:00.000-04:00

Lobster Pot Pie

One evening this summer I had the pleasure of dining waterfront in Connecticut overlooking the Long Island Sound. One of the specials being offered was Lobster Pot Pie. Who could resist? It was a perfect meal which immediately shot to the top of my list of favorite foods. I wish the restauranteurs would make this a permanent feature on their menu. I deconstructed the entree and have come up with my version for you. Although I first had the pot pie in the heat of summer I think it is even more perfectly suited to a crisp fall evening. You could even make smaller portions to serve as a very elegant first course for Thanksgiving. That would surely give your family and guests something to be thankful for!

INGREDIENTS:

meat from 2 steamed lobsters [each kept separate]

2 carrots, peeled and diced

2 small potatoes, peeled and diced

2 cups half & half cream

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons instant [Wondra] flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg

2 tablespoons frozen green peas

1 teaspoon dry sherry

1 sheet frozen puff pastry, defrosted

METHOD:

Preheat oven to 400*

Parboil the peeled and diced carrots and potatoes until just fork-tender, drain and place in a mixing bowl. In a small sauce pan over medium heat, melt the butter but do not let it get any color. Remove from heat and stir in the flour and the whisk in the half & half. Return to low heat and add the salt, pepper, sherry and nutmeg. Heat to just before simmer temperature while stirring, but do not simmer or boil. Remove from heat and add peas, potatoes and carrots.

Unfold the defrosted pastry sheet and cut two circles about 2 inches bigger than the rim of your [cereal-sized] bowls.

Place the meat from each lobster into each bowl and divide the cream/vegetable mixture over the lobster. Cover each bowl with puff pastry and cut a small [1/2 inch] X vent in the center. Place on a baking sheet and into the preheated oven on center rack for 20 minutes or until golden and flaky.

Serve in front of your fireplace* with a green salad and your favorite white wine.

*if you don't have a fireplace, this dish calls for candles as the very least!

FOODIE FRIDAY: CHICKEN PAPRIKASH

2010-09-17T10:09:00.000-04:00

This is a close and delicious relative of beef goulash but with a few tasty additions and of course the obvious use of chicken instead of beef. A robust and flavor-rich dish just perfect for fall and winter yet it is light and subtle. I like to serve this over wide egg noodles or with potato pancakes. Warm, sweet pickled red cabbage is an obvious accompaniment to balance the zip of the spices.

INGREDIENTS:

1 frying chicken cut into 8 pieces

1/2 cup a.p. flour

1 medium onion, diced

2 carrots, peeled and diced

1 sweet red bell pepper diced

2 cups chicken stock

1/4 cup quality sweet paprika

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 clove garlic, smashed

2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper [optional]

12 ounces fresh sliced mushrooms

1/3 cup oil for frying

1/2 cup good red wine

METHOD:

Lightly brown the onions, bell pepper and garlic and move to a casserole dish.* While the onions are browning, dredge the chicken in flour. Add the chicken pieces to the oil and lightly brown on both sides over medium high heat. Move the chicken to the casserole dish. Now saute the mushrooms just until wilted and then add the paprika, salt and black pepper. Transfer the seasoned mushroom mixture [with the liquid] to the casserole. Add the remaining ingredients to the casserole dish. Cover and bake in a 350* oven for 2 hours.

Remove from oven, remove chicken to a platter. Stir the sauce and serve over noodles.

*can be made in your slow cooker on high for 4 hours.

"SAUCE WARS"

2010-08-19T13:59:00.002-04:00

Last weekend I had the honor of being one of the judge's for my hometown's first annual "Sauce Wars" tomato sauce competition. When I got the call to participate I thought "this should be fun!". I must admit that I haven't been very involved locally since the days when I owned my regional theater here: The Westchester Show Place. I grew up here. I'm "third generation" Italian American Peekskillite and this competition was to be part of a three day Italian festival.

When I got off the phone it occurred to me that I hadn't asked for any details beyond when and where I was to show up. I had no details about the competition rules or requirements or even how many people would be submitting their sauce. I watch FoodTV and the Travel Channel. I'm a "foodie". I know good sauce. What more did I need to know? I figured I would taste a few sauces, be social, have some fun and do my part for the community. How hard could this possibly be?

Competition day arrived and the weather was picture perfect. What a great day to spend outdoors with friends. Predictably irreverent, I donned my favorite apron which is imprinted with "DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO POISON YOUR DINNER" across the chest, and showed up at the address with which I had been provided. The meeting place was a nice small office adjacent to the festivities. I was greeted by old friends and familiar faces. I soon realized that we were going to be doing the bulk of the judging in this space and not outside in the beautiful weather. We would do the preliminary judging inside and then be joined by the local "celebrity" judges for the final round of three sauces. Hey, wait a minute. I'm not a "celebrity"? My ego isn't too bruised.

Lesson number one: when you get asked to judge a food competition, ask for details!

I am quickly introduced to the other two non-celebrity judges, given a name badge and a clipboard and we are briefly instructed as to how we were to score and judge. This is where we first learn that the competition had been such a success that there had been 82 entries in the competition, some from as far as New York City. 82 different sauces to taste! We were to judge 10 at a time and then our results would be tabulated and the second round would be narrowed to 20. After that, 12 and then be joined by the "celebs" for the final 3 on stage.

Let's stop and do the math. 82 + 20 + 12 +3. When it was over we will have tasted 127 samples! 127 tastings with only water for palate cleansing. This was going to take a long time.

Lesson number two: when you create a food competition make some rules and guidelines for the entrants.

The first set of 10 jars is placed on the judging table along with a large supply of plastic spoons. "OK, begin". With my first taste I discovered that the sauce was cold. After I made my "unattractive face" I ask about the temperature and was told that "there was no way to heat them up but that they had been left out of the refrigerator for a while to warm up to room temperature". Cold tomato sauce! How do you judge COLD tomato sauce? It's neither fair to the contestants nor [especially] to the "non-celebrity" judges being asked to sample 127. Temperature completely throws off the taste balance, acidity and viscosity. Not to ignore the fact that cold, oily sauce is off-putting. I wouldn't even want to taste my own [wonderful] sauce cold!

As I make my way through the first set of cold, oily sauces something else has revealed itself to me and my fellow judges: there were no guidelines for the sauce. If it was red it's in the competition. The sauces were with or without meat. I'm sure a few had fish in them. Some had vegetables. Some were so spicy that water would not cleanse the palate. Other entries tasted more like Mexican salsa or burrito sauce. The competition should clearly have been broken down into categories.

By the time I had tasted 40 very different sauces I was turning a little green. Not "with envy" green. Just "how the hell am I going to taste 87 more samples?" green. I think it was around this time that my mind began to wander to the inevitable thoughts of "I wonder who made these" and "is there a cure for botulism?" and "I wonder if I'll ever again be able to smell tomato sauce without getting nauseous".

By the time we finished the first round of 82 I was in the groove. The bulk of the judging was behind us and we knew what we were in for for the rest of the rounds. We had already tasted all of them. The rounds should get much easier if you don't factor in the cumulative effect. I spent a lot of time suggesting to the people in charge that next year it should be a cannoli contest instead!

The "celebrity" judges arrived and to their credit decided to join us "nobody" judges for the final 12 round. They were lovely, gracious and fun. I took a great deal of pleasure watching them jump in and take spoonfuls of the cold, oily sauces. When they heard how many samples we had already tasted they were very complimentary and no doubt grateful that they hadn't arrived any earlier in the process.

We did it. Somehow we narrowed the sauces down to the final 3. The top 3. We were escorted outside to the stage where we were announced, introduced and seated. It was great to be outside. The fresh air was very welcomed. We did our final judging in front of the audience and the winner was announced.

It was a fun day. It was a good experience that I surely won't soon forget. Unfortunately the competition more closely resembled "Bizarre Foods" with Andrew Zimmern than "The Next Great Chef"!

That evening I went home to eat some crackers, brush my teeth and gargle several times followed by a nice dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant!

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - ITALIAN VEGETABLE STEW

2010-08-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

GIAMBOTTA

[Italian Vegetable Stew]

Late in summer when local vegetables are abundant and gardeners are begging their friends to relieve them of some of their zucchini, tomatoes and string beans, it's time for Aunt Gloria's hearty giambotta. You can get the necessary vegetables year round now but nothing compares to local garden-fresh. This peasant dish is a close relative to the French ratatouille but less condensed and minus the eggplant. This is a flexible dish so feel free to adapt to taste. Aunt Gloria always put potatoes in her stew and served it as a side dish. I generally omit the potatoes and serve the stew over pasta as a main course. Either way, you can't miss.

Ingredients:

4 cups diced ripe tomatoes

[or canned crushed tomatoes]
2 tablespoons tomato paste

2 cups large-diced zucchini

1/2 cup diced celery

3/4 cup diced carrots

1 diced bell pepper

1 minced clove garlic

2 diced medium onions

1 pound string beans

4 large potatoes, peeled and diced [optional]

3 cups water or chicken stock

1 tablespoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 teaspoon dried oregano

6 to 8 fresh basil leaves

3 tablespoons olive oil

3/4 cup good red wine

Method:

Preheat oven to 330*.

Clean and prep all the vegetables. I find it helpful to scrape some of the skin from the zucchini with a serrated knife before cutting. Heat the oil in a heavy Dutch Oven and lightly brown the onions, celery, carrots and pepper. After a few minutes add the garlic and remove from heat. Add all the remaining ingredients, cover and return to medium heat to bring to a simmer.

Give the stew a quick stir and then move it from stovetop to preheated oven. Let it cook in the oven for 2 or even 3 hours. The stew is done when all the vegetables are soft to the fork.

Serve over prepared farfalle or orecchiette pasta and enjoy with a loaf of really great peasant Italian bread!

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - CROCK POT STEAK PIZZAIOLA

2010-07-16T11:53:00.000-04:00

Steak Pizzaiola is a family favorite here at the Lanni household. When you order it in an Italian restaurant it is usually made with a shell, strip or sirloin steak as these are firm, tender cuts. At home, we have always made it with bone-in chuck steaks. The chuck steak is an inexpensive but very flavorful choice but it can be tough. I decided to experiment and adapt the recipe for crock pot cooking and the result is an amazingly tender dish with really big flavor.

Ingredients:

1 large [2-3#] bone in chuck steak, 1" thick

1 large sweet onion, thinly sliced

1 large clove garlic, minced

1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced

one 8 oz. jar marinated artichoke hearts, rinsed

1 large can crushed tomatoes

1/2 cup red wine

1 tablespoon dry oregano

1/2 tablespoon dry basil

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes [optional]

Method:

In the bottom of the crock pot combine all ingredients and stir. Cut the steak into 3 or 4 pieces to fit your crock and submerge them in the sauce mixture. Cook on medium for 6-7 hours until fork tender. Remove the meat to a serving platter and serve the sauce over white rice or pasta and top with grated romano cheese.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - CRUNCHY OVEN "FRIED" CHICKEN

2010-07-09T10:50:00.000-04:00

Simple and delicious, this is a variation on "fried" chicken that's sure to please. The recipe is flexible enough to adapt to your own personal choice of herbs but I prefer a straight forward approach with few, if any, herbs. The chicken is crisp and tasty with a hint of sweetness provided by the corn flake crumbs. I like to serve it with mashed potatoes and the optional "gravy".

This is a dish that is sure to impress. You can keep the fact of how easy it is to make just between us!

Ingredients:

1 chicken cut up into 8 pieces

2 cans of cream of mushroom soup

1 cup milk

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

2 cups corn flake crumbs

1 stick of butter, melted

Method:

Preheat oven to 425* and line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and place a rack in the pan. Spray with cooking spray.

Wash and dry the chicken parts.

In a wide bowl combine 1 can of soup with 1/2 cup milk and the pepper. Whisk until smooth.

In another bowl combine the corn flake crumbs, salt, onion powder and paprika.

Dredge the chicken pieces in the wet mixture and then in the dry mix. Place on the prepared rack and bake and drizzle with the melted butter. Bake for 40 minutes.

"GRAVY"

Combine 1 can of soup with 1/2 cup of milk. Whisk until smooth and heat until simmer. Yes, that's all there is to it!

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - CAPE MAY LOBSTER SANDWICH

2010-06-25T12:24:00.000-04:00

Best ever lobster & cheese sandwich!

I recently had the pleasure of a short trip to the New Jersey shore. No trip to the shore would be complete for me without spending some quality time in Cape May. Beautiful Cape May is located at southernmost tip of the Garden State and is home to some of the most beautiful historic Victorian homes in the United States.

For me Cape May is a journey back to my youth. I have been vacationing there since I was 5 years old. The beauty of the town is that it never changes. Businesses come and go but the structures remain intact and as charming as they ever were. In fact, I think it looks better every year. I'm rooted in Cape May. When I'm on the tiny, pristine boardwalk smelling the aroma of roasted nuts from Marrow's Nut House and gazing out across the white sand to the ocean I feel as though time has stood still.

I feel the presence of my parents all around me when I'm in Cape May. They loved it there. I watched the first moon landing on a portable black and white TV with my dad while sitting the steps of the Lafayette Motel which is still there. The first mini golf courses which sparked my obsession still sparkle. The church that my mother dragged me to on Sundays, when I would have preferred to be swimming, still watches over the quaint pedestrian mall in the center of town.

On this trip we found ourselves in a local beachfront restaurant for lunch. This was never one of my "hangouts" as it was usually boisterous and a little too loud with live music and pitchers of beer everywhere but it was convenient and air conditioned. I looked over the menu and decided on something which sounded odd and oddly interesting. My Foodie Friday recipes have always been my own or family recipes which have been handed down to me but this week I'm going to share the recipe for that unusual but amazingly delicious lobster & cheese sandwich. This is more about the idea of combining ingredients that you wouldn't necessarily pair and having a truly great surprise.

Ingredients:

good quality grain or ciabatta bread

lobster meat [cooked]

brie

fresh mozzarella

fresh basil leaves

russian dressing

butter

Method:

Make a sandwich by covering the insides of two pieces of bread with the two cheeses. Top one of the pieces of bread with a lump of lobster meat and then a few leaves of fresh basil. Add about a tablespoon of russian dressing over the basil and close the sandwich. Butter the outsides of the sandwich with softened butter and brown in a skillet until toasted on both sides.

This sandwich was halved and arranged on a plate with potato chips and a cup of tomato soup for dunking. I found the soup to be completely unnecessary and overpowering. The flavors of the melted cheeses with the hint of sweet from the lobster and Russian dressing work so well with the crisp clean bite of the fresh basil. This is a gooey, savory elegant sandwich.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - LOBSTER FRA DIAVOLO

2010-06-11T20:25:00.001-04:00

Lobster fra diavolo is a sure-to-please summer favorite of mine. Piquant and light, I prefer to serve mine over a heaping bed of mafalde pasta. Mafalde is best described as narrow lasagna noodles. They stand up well to the spicy sauce and yet they're delicate. You can adjust the heat factor of this devil's dish from mild to torturous. I prefer mine on the medium to hot side.

Ingredients:

One 32 ounce can of good quality tomato puree, preferable San Marzano tomatoes.

4 medium lobster tails*

1 small onion minced

8 ounces sliced mushrooms

one 8 ounce jar of roasted red peppers

salt

pepper

2 teaspoons dried oregano

6 leaves fresh basil

2 teaspoons crushed red pepper flakes [to taste]

1/4 cup red wine

1 tablespoon white vinegar

1 clove minced garlic
1/4 cup olive oil
1 pound mafalde pasta

Method:

In a small saucepan lightly brown the onion in olive oil over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and garlic and remove from heat. Add tomato puree, 1/2 tomato can of water, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon black pepper, oregano and 5 basil leaves. Reserve one leaf of basil to chop and sprinkle over cooked dish. Return sauce to heat and cook for 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

While the sauce is simmering par boil the lobster tails in salted water with the white vinegar for 4 minutes. Immediately remove the tails to a cold water bath to cool for handling.

When the lobster is cool enough to touch, cut the tails in half lengthwise with a sharp knife and remove the meat. Now I like to cut the meat into bite-sized pieces but you can leave them halved. Set aside until sauce is done.

Now bring a large pot of salted water to boil and prepare the mafalde according to the package directions.

Drain the roasted peppers and slice into medium strips.

At the 45 minute mark remove the sauce from the heat and add the lobster, peppers and wine and return to the heat for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and serve on a platter over the cooked pasta. Sprinkle the basil leaf over top and enjoy!

* you can easily substitute cleaned, raw shrimp or even calms.

MINI GOLF MONDAY: GOLF QUEST

2010-06-07T17:59:00.006-04:00

After last week's sour double-header downer I was craving one of my comfort courses. Golf Quest sporting complex was the destination of the week. The weather reports were ominous so I didn't want to stray too far from home and this course is just about 35 minutes away in Brookfield, Connecticut. Simple and charming, this place always makes me smile.

When you first drive up, the main building which houses the driving range, pro shop and snack bar is crisp, clean and inviting. There are some trees for shade over the parking lot. The course is to the left. You don't have to go to the main building except for the restrooms because the mini golf office is, as it should be, in a hut at the entrance to the course. There is also a snack or ice cream shack there but I've never seen that open. As you approach the hut there is a small pond on the left which begins the vague New England theme.

The course is not very difficult but it is challenging enough to hold my interest as a repeat visitor. The holes are varied with bumps, berms and rough patches. There are a couple of multi-level courses for added fun. One of the quirky bits about this little gem is the choice of fairway colors. They are bright and cheerful but nothing about this place is garish or over-stated. The colors add a little visual whimsy without giant mechanical creatures.

Some of the fairway colors are evocative of a mid-century Barbie Dream House.

If Barbie and Ken went on a New England adventure this is surely where they would have played mini golf.

For an overall fun and refreshing game of mini golf, this is the place. It is laid-back, and relaxing without being dull or boring. Bring the kids [when I'm not there] and have a great family outing. The course is well maintained and the brief interaction I have had with the staff has always been pleasant.

I give this place a B+. Points deducted only for degree of difficulty and lack of those great ball retriever flags.

Golf Quest Family Sport Center

1 Sand Cut Road

Brookfield, CT.

golfquestranges.com

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - BALSAMIC ROASTED ASPARAGUS

2010-06-04T20:23:00.000-04:00

This simple recipe is an all-time favorite of mine. Great for company entertaining but I make it at least once a week for myself when asparagus is in season and reasonable. They are caramelized and slightly chewy and are delicious hot, cold or at room temperature. I always make enough to have leftovers to put in a salad during the week.

Ingredients:

1 bunch fresh thin asparagus

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

1/2 teaspoon salt

ground black pepper to taste

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon dried tarragon

Method:

Preheat oven to 400*. Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and spray lightly with cooking spray. Wash the asparagus under cold water with the rubber band intact. Remove the rubber band and snap off the touch bottoms or cut about 1.5 inches. Place the asparagus on the cookie sheet in a single layer.

In a small bowl or measuring cup combine all the remaining ingredients and pour over the asparagus. Cover with foil and bake on center rack for 20 to 25 minutes turning half-way through the cooking. The stalks will be dark and tender.

MINI GOLF MONDAY: A TALE OF TWO SISTER COURSES

2010-05-31T13:17:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day weekend is what I consider to be the start of the "official" mini golf season. It's here. It's hot. I couldn't wait to play a pair of courses that we hadn't played before. Within our normal radius of under an hour from home there are two sister courses that I read about last summer but never got to explore. The Tappan Golf Center is located in Beautiful Tappan New York. The second course is about three miles away in Closter New Jersey.

We played the Tappan course first. Luckily I found a parking spot under a nice shady tree as the temperature was approaching the 90* mark. We stumbled around and finally found the mini golf office which is in the driving range. The personality-free clerk took our money and handed out clubs and balls. There was to be no decision-making here. You get a club, you get a ball. End of story. No searching for a club that fits or feels right. No choice of ball colors. How can I coordinate my ball with my outfit if you don't get a choice!

Ball and club in hand, we navigated our way to the course which is clean and well maintained with mostly new greens.

The course has some difficulty to it with obligatory water, rough turf and obstacles but it is clear that this course was designed by a Spartan. The layout is austere. The holes are bland and repetitive. I see now that the staff reflects the course. I think my golf partner liked the course more than I. I got the feeling that the owners focussed on the driving range, had a little spare land and thought the mini golf course would provide extra revenue. There certainly were none of those nice ball retriever flags. There were a couple of trees which provided some well-appreciated shade.

Once more into the drink!

Carol lost her ball about half-way through. It appeared to have gone into some plantings but perhaps it went into the water. We couldn't find it which meant she had to trudge back for another visit to the Golf Nazi who was not at all happy. Again there was to be no choice of ball color which meant that she returned with a ball to match mine. This is also another of those courses with no paths. There weren't very many patrons but I can see this as a potential problem.

Despite the well-kept greens and somewhat challenging holes, I give this place a B-. Points off for staff and overall atmosphere. This is a course I would go to if I had too many espressos and needed a snooze.

Tappan Golf Center

116 Route 303

Tappan, NY

Off to see the sister...

After a break for lunch and much needed hydration, we were off to Closter, NJ and our second course of the day. I was hopeful because the photos of this place included a large giraffe. Not in a kiddy-land way but I thought that perhaps it boded better for some mirth. I was wrong.

The parking lot was large and hot and we could see the course was right smack on a busy road. Once again we had to go into the driving range and find our way to the mini golf office. Who comes up with this design? Would it be too expensive to have a clerk / office at the course? All hopes of this being a happier experience were soon dashed at the office. The clerk, who could have been the twin to the previous staff member, was once again sour and silent. Again we were handed our clubs and balls and again there was no choice offered. This time, to add to the charm, there is an ugly sign on the ugly office informing that there is a $10 deposit on each club and a $1 deposit on the ball. I have never seen such a thing. Has there been a rash of club and ball thefts in this affluent community?

After our merry-making encounter with the office staff we go back out and around to the golf course, in the now 90* plus heat, only to find that the obvious entry gate is padlocked. A friendly groundskeeper [who must not be one of the ownership family] motions to us that the entrance is actually back inside the range, past the mini golf office and out a garage door which was currently blocked by a delivery truck. He graciously unlocked yet another gate for us to enter without having to go back and around, and smuggled us inside. This was evocative of an illegal border crossing and if we had been in Arizona I'd be fishing out my residency documentation. Still, I was grateful to our "coyote" for his help. It would have been helpful if the clerk had mentioned something about the entrance or pointed us in the right direction when he took our money and handed us his choice of balls. But he hadn't.

OK, we're inside. That couple who crashed the White House state dinner had an easier time getting past the Secret Service. Now the course awaits. If the other course was slightly dull, this one is it's less-impressive sister. This is a quick course. All of the usual stuff was there but with even less charm or appeal.

Even that large giraffe from the website was looking more embarrassed than happy!

This giraffe must have been left on the property by the previous owners. I can't imagine this management bothering to put him there. Perhaps the locked gates are to prevent the giraffe from escaping. We played our 18 average holes while burning and being serenaded by traffic noises. I half-expected look-out turrets with armed guards and binoculars to be watching over us to be sure we didn't steal anything.

Our game was mercifully quick. We made our exit back around to the garage door in the driving range, deposited our balls and clubs back at the office and then back to our car. It was like a scene out of a prison movie and I felt like we should be handed our belongings in a manilla envelope. If Sing Sing were to have a mini golf course, this would be the model.

Overall: C. The mitigating factor in its favor is the good condition of the greens and the bland-but-lush landscaping.

Closter Golf Center

153 Homans Avenue

Closter, NJ

MINI GOLF MONDAY: OVERLOOK GOLF CENTER

2010-05-24T12:06:00.002-04:00

This weekend we played the Overlook Golf Center's mini golf course. I like to refer to this one as "The Punisher"! This is a beautiful and serene course located about 10 minutes from Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York. This was the fourth time I have played this course and it always gets the better of me but I appreciate the challenge.

The course is beautifully maintained and right now is in full bloom with Spring plantings. It is amazing how quickly my blood pressure can climb even surrounded by beauty and tranquility. This is no wimpy course. There are no storybook characters, no windmills and no whimsy. The fairways are long and most of the holes are par 4. This is a course for dedicated players.

The reason this course is so challenging and also the reason I call it "The Punisher" is because all of the holes have traps that are set up in a way that they require extra precision. Sure there are the usual winding fairways and the berms and obstacles but this course goes a step beyond obstacles and obstructions. There is a lot of water. Some of the holes seem designed to be impossible. This is not a "hole in one" course. This is a course you nibble at, knowing it's best to use the par numbers rather than be over-ambitious.

The fairway pictured above has the water feature smack in the middle. At first glance it would appear that the solution would be to take a short shot and lay-up for the hole. The problem with this is that the sadistic designer did not merely place that large water oval in the center of a large u-shaped fairway, but that the greens surrounding the trap are all sloped towards it.

My golf partner has her own name for this course: "the ball washer". I normally reply by muttering under my breath: "ball buster".

This dastardly hole is a very long down-hill slope that required dodging rock traps. When you get to the bottom the actual hole is across a water trap. There is a way around a large island of plants but the initial incline is pitched toward that water trap and not to the route around the island. Another favorite punishments of this course is placing several holes immediately in front of large water features by twelve or less inches. To complicate the shot even more they place the perilous hole at the top of an incline. What this means is that you first have to hit the ball hard enough to make it up the incline but not so hard as to go into the drink. Precision is the key. This course focuses on precision over aim. Of course you need aim to eventually land the ball in the hole but getting to that point before the allotted maximum stroke limit [6 stroke limit on this course] is reached is where the challenge is.

"The Punisher" is a good course. I enjoy the torture and can't wait to try it again. I'm working on analyzing my game here. I lost the game this weekend. I lost my focus. I lost my temper. I did not lose my love of the challenge.

I rate this course an A-. The reason I can't give it an "A" is because they do not have those great ball retrieval flags and more importantly because of an annoying design flaw. There are no paths. The fairways are back-to-back and impossible to walk around. This means if you pick a day when it's crowded the group behind you is literally on top of you. It also means that if anyone has to leave the course they have to interrupt your game in order to walk down the fairways to get out. I don't understand this flaw because there certainly seems to be enough land that they could have spared a little more for the course.

Overlook Golf Center

39 DeGarmo Road

Poughkeepsie, NY

Open 7 days from 9 to 9

Also in the complex are batting cages, driving range and go kart driving.

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - BARBEQUE SAUCE

2010-05-21T10:55:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day weekend is just one week away and with it comes the official start of the barbeque season. This is my recipe for barbeque sauce. Sweet and tangy, you're never going to use that bottled stuff again. This sauce takes minutes to make and keeps in the fridge for a couple of weeks.

Ingredients:

1 cup ketchup

2 tablespoons cider vinegar

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder [optional]

1 teaspoon liquid smoke

1/2 teaspoon worcestershire sauce

1/4 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

Method:

Combine ingredients in a microwave safe 2 cup bowl, cover loosely and microwave on high for 90 seconds. Carefully remove from microwave oven, stir and allow to cool to room temperature before using.

Notes:

Remember that barbeque sauce goes on late in the grilling or smoking process. When grilling, never put the sauce on more than 15 minutes before the food is done on each side or the sauce will burn because of the high sugar content. When smoking [true barbeque] no more than 1 hour before the food is done or serve at the table.

MINI GOLF MONDAY: SAXON WOODS

2010-05-17T11:33:00.000-04:00

It was an ideal Spring Saturday here in suburban New York. It was sunny and warm but not hot. The sun was bright and strong and there was a mild breeze. We chose Saxon Woods as our mini golf venue. We had played the course only once before and I was eager to get back for another round. The course is set in a Westchester County park which features an 18 hole "real" golf course, a beautiful swimming pool, picnic area, a playground and the mini golf course. The location is beautiful and lush and it feels like you are much more than the 15 or so miles from the congestion of New York City.

This is a pretty, challenging and well-kept course. The greens are in great shape. Nearly all of the holes are difficult, involving water, berms, traps and turns. I like the challenge.

There are a couple of gimmicky holes. There is one that has a choice of three tunnels. One has large flower pots spiraling up a steep incline making a direct shot impossible. One has a bright yellow metal loop-de-loop paying homage to the courses of my childhood but even the loop-de-loop is steeper and more fierce than they kiddy ones.

One of the bonus features of this course is that the flags in each hole hold a basket which makes it possible to retrieve the golf ball without bending. For those of us who are middle-aged with less than perfect backs this is a little touch that I wish more courses offered.

I did manage go make two holes-in one which always makes the experience a little more gleeful. Overall I rate this course an A-. My only deductions are that the fairways could be a little more visually stimulating and that the huge public pool is adjacent to the course which, I'm sure, in Summer will be loud and possibly distracting.

Saxon Woods Mini Golf

1800 Mamaroneck Avenue

White Plains, NY 10604

phone: 914.995.2618

4-The cost is $6.00 and no park permit is needed.-2618

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - COLE SLAW

2010-05-14T11:17:00.000-04:00

I recently got a request from a reader in Scandinavia for a recipe for "American Cole Slaw". There are many variations from sweet to savory and ingredients vary widely. It's almost Memorial Day and the start of the official picnic season in the Northeast so here is my version of the American classic. No picnic would be complete without potato salad and cole slaw and certainly you can't have a pulled pork sandwich and leave off the slaw!

This is simple and straightforward. It is fairly mild with a little bit of a bite. You can add things like raisins or nuts or even fruit but to me that is sacrilege.

Ingredients:

1 small head green cabbage [shredded]

¼ head red cabbage [shredded]

¼ sweet onion [grated]

1 carrot [shredded]

¾ cup mayonnaise

1 tablespoon sugar

¼ cup apple cider vinegar

½ teaspoon celery seed

Method:

In a large bowl combine the mayonnaise, vinegar, sugar, celery seed to blend. Toss in the vegetables and mix well. Cover and refrigerate 8 hours or overnight. Toss again before serving. Keeps well for up to a week in the fridge.

MINI GOLF MONDAY: FAIRVIEW GOLF CENTER

2010-05-10T10:56:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a less-than-ideal day for a round of miniature golf. It was below my self-imposed 65* temperature, there were wind gusts up around 50 mph and it was Mother's Day. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that we would not be playing but we wound up in the neighborhood and could not possibly drive past without stopping in for a game.

Fairview Golf Center is located in Elmsford, New York and is nestled in an industrial complex. There are two courses along with a double-deck driving range, a pro shop and a small snack bar. We like this place. This is not a kiddy, amusement center. There are no pinball machines. There is no Dance Dance Revolution blaring. OK, I miss the giant windmills and 10 foot tall rabbit, but that's just me. These are two very challenging courses.

This weekend there was no decision to be made. Only the Legends course is open as the Masters course is being spruced up for the season. As a bonus the price is reduced to $5.00 from the normal $7.50 per round/per course. The Legends course has longer holes, steeper inclines, drops and dog leg holes. The course is in good shape but the water features are currently dry. This is a pretty course to play. There are lush surroundings and it is peaceful. It is not so relaxing once you begin the game.

The par for this course is 39. Forget it. If you focus on that par number you will find yourself doing quite a bit of swearing. This course is tough. There are no square angles and using geometry is difficult here. The fairways often bend making it difficult to even see the target. Many of the actual holes are raised and/or sloped. This is not hole-in-one territory although I have gotten lucky a few times. "Lucky" is the key word here. As much as I would like to take credit, "holes-in-one" are not a skill shot here, they are strictly a matter of happenstance.

The most difficult holes are the up-hill battles. The inclines are steep, the turf is slow and the landing is precarious. Add super-strong wind into that mix and you have the perfect recipe for frustration. Yesterday I made a perfect shot up one of the very steep fairways, the ball landed perfectly just a foot shy of the hole and stopped. Seconds later the wind laughed at me and sent the ball back down to the tee. Yes I swore. No, there were no kids nearby.

I played a pretty lousy game but so did my golf partner and so I managed to win by a couple of strokes. No matter how many times you play this course it remains a challenge and therefor retains its charm. I like a challenge. Overall I rate this golf center very high on my list. I would give it a B+ for the layout, location, amenities, cost and upkeep. Adding to the charm is that it is twenty minutes from my home. It's great to have an outstanding pair of courses as the local default location.

Here are some more photos of the center.

Fairview Golf Center

300 Waterside Drive

Elmsford, NY 10523

Phone: (914)-592-1666

REFLECTIONS ON MOTHER'S DAY 2010

2010-05-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

It is the second Sunday in May and throughout the country mothers are being honored and remembered. Flowers are being sent. Hallmark cards have been received. Cemeteries are being visited. As I do my daily chores in taking care of my bed-bound mother I cannot help reflecting on my own mother, the mother from my childhood.

I remember so vividly the warm, loving woman waiting in the kitchen with cookies and milk when the kids came home from school. The mother that was always there with a kiss, an encouraging word and an "I love you".

Oh? No. Those memories are of black & white TV shows I grew up in front of. Those were Harriet Nelson, Donna Reed, Shirley Partridge, Laura Petrie and Carol Brady. That was not my mother at all. The household of my early years more resembled Hazel. The woman waiting in the kitchen with the cookies and juice was my nanny Kay. The warm words, hugs, kisses and "I love you" were from my father. The woman taking me for my first day of school was my aunt Gloria.

My mother wasn't the "warm and fuzzy" type. She was more like Ms. Ellie from Dallas. She was a working mom who loved her career as teacher and brought that into the home. I do not remember my mother [Adelaide] ever really treating us as children. We were treated in much the same way she treated her high school students, with respect and encouragement.

My mother's lack of "warm and fuzzy" is not to be mistaken for a lack of love. There was plenty of love from both parents and from "second mom" Aunt Gloria who lived with us. Adelaide just was not demonstrative. Some people are "huggers" and some are not. She was not. Mom was also not to be misconstrued as cold. She just showed her love in her own way.

After my father passed away, when I was ten, my mother and I naturally grew closer. Some of that is because I was now a precocious brat acted more like an adult than a kid. Some is because we had both lost Pat [the demonstrative one] and need each other more. Mostly because we liked each other. I am the youngest of three. There are quite a few years between between me and my siblings. My brother was married. My sister was plunged into her career and busy dating. I was home.

Something else transformative happened that summer of my tenth year. My mother and I began to travel. My mother was a foreign language and history teacher who, at fifty, had never been out of the United States. This was about to change. To help fill the void left from my father's death and for diversion, a group of us went to Europe. There were seven of us family members roaming together through England, France and Italy.

"There is no looking at a building here after seeing Italy."

fanny burney

This was an amazing experience for both of us. One that we would repeat every summer until I was in college. We traveled. We explored. She taught. I learned. Adelaide got to see all the places she had read about and studied and taught for so many years. I got to learn history and culture and languages in a way that you can only get from being there. We bonded.

To this day I can't see an image of some foreign landmark or visit a museum or hear opera without thinking of all those trips with mom. That was the best thing anyone could have ever done for me.

Now our roles are reversed. I'm the "mother" taking care of her. I talk to her about current affairs. I reminisce and remind her of those trips we shared and sights we saw. I throw in some French and Italian phrases. I do it all in hopes that somewhere deep inside it conjures a memory for her. She smiles and we laugh and not a day goes by that I don't tell her that I love her.

Mothers come in all flavors. I think the most difficult thing for children [of any age] to accept is that parents are human with faults and flaws. We don't have TV parents. No matter what, mom is always mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - BLACK FOREST TRIFLE

2010-05-07T11:37:00.001-04:00

I was recently asked to make desserts for an old friend's fiftieth birthday party. I knew it was going to be an outdoor event and I knew I wanted it to be a festive dish. I thought I would make a nice red velvet layer cake and so I baked the cake. While the cake was in the oven I decided to change the plan and turn the cake into a trifle.

Trifle always looks great, it is easy to transport and serve and usually a crowd pleaser. Trifle traditionally has a few key ingredients which can be combined in different flavors and embellished. This recipe is the concoction I came up with.

Red Velvet Black Forest Trifle

Ingredients:

1 prepared red velvet cake

2 large containers of frozen whipped topping [thawed]

1 can cherry pie filling

1 cup chocolate chunks or chips

1/2 cup Kilhua

1/2 cup chocolate syrup

Method:

Tear cooled cake into pieces. Place a handful of cake pieces in the bottom of a 4 quart bowl. Drizzle 1/2 of the Kilhua over the cake. Spread 1/3 can of cherries. Sprinkle 1/3 cup chocolate chunks. Drizzle 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup. Spread 1/2 container whipped topping. Repeat for three layers finishing with whipped topping for the final layer. Refrigerate.

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt! "

lucy van pelt

MINI GOLF MONDAY

2010-05-03T11:44:00.001-04:00

A series for Summer
[weather permitting]

I'm going to make a confession: I have a Peter Pan complex. That's right, I don't want to grow up. As soon as there is a hint of warmth in the air and the sun is shining, my inner child wants to shed this fifty year old body and play. My thoughts immediately turn to beaches, salty air, candy apples, shorts and amusement parks. But more than anything I think "mini golf". I know that regionally some people refer to it as "putt putt" but to me it will always be mini golf.

My earliest memories of my fascination with the game [game, not sport] are from Cape May, New Jersey. My family vacationed in that charming Victorian seaside resort. There is a boardwalk along Beach Avenue with a convention hall, a few stores, Morrow's Nut House, and two arcades. That's all good but across the street from the boardwalk is the real attraction. Nestled among the restaurants and surfer shops are two mini golf courses a couple of blocks apart. One glance from the boards and your eyes are drawn to the giant guardians of the courses. The ten foot tall bunny, the windmill, the huge [but happy] polar bear are all there calling out to me. This has remained mostly unchanged.

I was a lucky kid. I had one particular uncle, Artie, who indulged my curiosity for those bigger-than-life brightly painted characters and crossed Beach Avenue with me and introduced me to mini golf. Artie wasn't known for his patience but with me and mini golf he had endless patience. He taught me the fundamentals of the game without bogging me down. He let me play and experiment and experience for myself with only hints as to what might make me better at the getting that shiny bright ball all the way [maybe 8 feet] down the green carpet, under the creature or up the loop-de-loop, and into the hole!

I was hooked. There would never be another summer without a visit to Cape May but more importantly there would never be another summer without mini golf. For a brief period of my childhood there was a mini golf course one town over from my hometown. It wasn't as grand as any of those from the New Jersey shore but it was local and it had a frozen custard stand attached as a bonus. Summer nights of mini golf and lemon ice are about as good as it gets for distraction from the real world. It was a sad Autumn when the custard stand and beloved mini golf course were demolished and replaced with car lot.

The warm weather has arrived and has once again worked its charm. My mini golf playmate Carol and I have already begun hitting the local courses. Over the past couple of years a round of mini golf has become a Sunday ritual. We usually stay within an hour radius from home and that encompasses quite a few courses for us to choose from. The courses vary from the kiddy courses with their big characters, reminiscent of those very first courses I played, to the austere, carpeted no-nonsense courses which lull adults into thinking they're more akin to "real" golf.

My goal for "Monday Mini Golf" is to give reviews and photos of the courses we play along with anecdotes and obligatory rants on the subject of parents not disciplining their misbehaving, screaming children.

"To live will be a great adventure."

j.m.barrie [peter pan]

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE - BEEF GOULASH

2010-04-30T11:40:00.000-04:00

Beef (Hungarian) Goulash is a favorite of mine. When I was in elementary school my mother's cousin Anna would invite me to dinner about once a month for a special treat. She was a wonderful cook and would serve this over broad egg noodles with home made applesauce on the side. I have adjusted her recipe a little bit but this is my homage to Anna.

Ingredients:

2 pounds beef cubes

3 medium onions

1/3 cup flour

1 tsp. salt

1.5 tblsp. paprika [sweet/mild]

1 cup beef stock

2 tblsp. oil

Method:

Preheat oven to 330*

Put flour in a plastic or paper bag and add the meat. I like to use chuck as it is most flavorful. Shake to coat the meat. Heat oil in skillet over medium-high heat. Shake excess flour from meat and brown well in skillet. After browning, remove meat to a casserole dish. Add the onions to the skillet and brown lightly. Stir in paprika and salt to coat. Remove onions to the casserole dish and deglaze the skillet with the beef stock and pour over meat and onions along with 1/2 cup water. Cover the casserole dish with foil and bake for 1.5 hours or until meat is fork-tender and falling apart.

Serve over buttered egg noodles or with potato pancakes.

MUSING ON FRIENDSHIP

2010-04-28T18:18:00.006-04:00

"Friendship is like a prism through which the many variations of beauty are revealed in our lives."

anon.

Friendship has always been important to me. I may be a rock but I'm not the proverbial "island". I have been blessed with wonderful friends. At times I have been cursed with less wonderful ones. My friends are an eclectic, mismatched bunch of very good people.

I have a long list of acquaintances but my inner circle is a rather short list. When I give a dinner party for that "inner circle" we fit nicely at a table for twelve. There is no messiah and there may be no holy grail but there is surely a Mary Magdalene, a Peter and a Paul. There is probably even a Judas.

My dearest friends are from all walks of life from electrician to best-selling author, from mini golf partner to producer and from stay at home mom to a boozy chanteuse. Let's not leave out the chubby gay married guys who argue like the couple from Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf. The conversations are wild and head-spinning. I love each of them for their individuality and strength, devotion and foibles.

Being a full time caregiver has shaken some low-hanging fruit from my tree of friends. I may not be as much fun as I was when I was younger and carefree. I certainly cannot be spontaneous. My friend time has to be planned and much of it has been reduced mostly to phone calls and emails but its value certainly has not been diminished.

I had one friend from high school with whom I shared nearly thirty years of my life. We were so close for so long that our other friends regarded us as an old married couple. I think we may actually have been closer than many married couples. I saw her though her brief problem with alcohol. We were there for one another over lost pets. We vacationed together. We dined together. She was by my side through business successes and failures.

The stresses of my life as caregiver were more than she wanted. When I could no longer travel on a whim or dine out several nights a week, our friendship became a casualty. To put it directly, she abandoned me.

Another of my wonderful friends has been there for me forever. We are family. When times are good we laugh and celebrate. When times are bad we are one another's rock. Lucy is the lucky recipient of my many phone calls from the emergency room. When she got married I was the luckiest because I got a new best friend in her husband Joe. Lucy and Joe are quick to offer help and always the first on the scene in a crisis. Together they gave me the highest honor of being godfather to their first daughter and honorary godfather to the second.

While some friendships waned others flourished. One friendship blossomed and grew because we had caregiving in common. I was well into my role when she was just beginning hers. When she was overwhelmed with the task at hand a mutual friend suggested she give me a call. As the local pro I am often called upon for support but this was special.

Ms. Alice and I had met casually in the past at social or theater functions but we really didn't know one another. Now through our common bond of caregivers we discovered how much else we had in common. We are both from theater. We are both artists. We are both bitchy. Most importantly we have the same sense of family and duty. Not only did we become strong mutual support but most definitely members of our "mutual admiration society". No one understands the life of a caregiver better than another caregiver.

"A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else."

len wein

Maybe it's that I am of a certain age or maybe it is an eventuality of technology but this past year has been a year of reconnecting with friends from my past. Somewhere in the early middle years we disconnect from some old, true, loved friends. No arguments. No traumatic event. Some friendships just fade. We get sidetracked with career choices. We get preoccupied with building our lives and families. We meet new friends. We drift geographically. What doesn't change is the seminal connection we had with our friends. The good memories are stored and cherished. These friends were the building blocks of our lives, without whom we would not be who we are at present.

At fifty we are mostly settled into our lives. Friends' children are sufficiently grown. Careers are mostly chugging along. Few of us have much need to prove ourselves. We have returned to our roots and our old friends. There is comfort in old friendships. We share commonality and secrets. Perhaps in reconnecting with old friends we are making an effort to reconnect with ourselves. Maybe we're trying to recapture a bit of our youth. Maybe we're just more comfortable with ourselves.

In the past year I reconnected strongly with a girl I went all though elementary and high school with. We have a strong bond of common past but we also admire the people we have become. I most recently met with my best friend from high school. We were inseparable back then. We shared everything. We grew into men together. We could have been characters from Summer of 42!

Lawrence became the important doctor we always knew he would. I found my way though antiques businesses and theater and writing as we knew I would. Twenty years had lapsed with only a brief email now and then until he re-appeared on my doorstep with his bright and lovely daughter. He had brought her back east to hunt colleges and included a side-trip to his hometown to show her around [and to show her off].

Twenty years were shed as quickly as anyone could imagine. We reminisced and laughed and remembered and we were 17 again if only for a few hours. We have such different lives in different parts of the country but none of that was perceptible. We looked at one another and saw the kid, the best friend, the mischief-makers that we were.

Old [good] friends are like that. Years can pass and you fall right back into rhythms and patterns. There is great comfort in that. Within my small circle of friends we know that a little time or distance or even life's interruptions don't matter. One phone call and we're there for each other.

"Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives, and remembering what one receives."

dumas, the younger

FOODIE FRIDAY RECIPE- SUPER CHOCOLATE SHEET CAKE

2010-04-23T11:13:00.000-04:00

"...the taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex... For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate...entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better."

dr. ruth westheimer

There are many variations of this classic which is sometimes called Texas Sheet Cake or Longhorn Cake. They're all good. Here is my adaptation. This confection is a retro chocolate lover's delight. Rich chocolaty cake topped with gooey, nutty chocolate frosting! This is a homey, unpretentious crowd pleaser.

INGREDIENTS

Cake:

2 sticks butter

1 cup water

4 tablespoons high quality cocoa powder*

2 cups all purpose flour

2 cups granulated sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 eggs

1/2 cup sour cream

Icing:

1 stick butter

4 tablespoons cocoa powder

6 tablespoons milk

1 cup chopped pecans**

1 box confectioner's sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

METHOD:

Preheat oven to 375*

Grease a jelly roll pan [10.5 x 15.5 x 1]

In a 2 quart pan combine 2 sticks butter, 1 cup water and 4 tbsp. cocoa and bring to a boil. Remove pan from heat and add 2 cups flour, 2 cups sugar and 1/2 tsp. salt. Beat in 1 tsp. baking soda, 2 eggs and 1/2 cup sour cream. Pour mixture into the prepared pan and bake for exactly 22 minutes.

While the cake is baking prepare the icing:

In 2 quart pan combine 1 stick butter, 4 tbsp. cocoa, 6 tbsp. milk and bring to boil. Remove pan from heat and add 1 cup chopped pecans, 1 box confectioner's sugar and 1 tsp. vanilla. Stir well to combine. Spread over hot cake as soon as you remove the cake from the oven.

Cool before serving. Do not try to remove the cake from the pan, serve from pan!

*I prefer Valhrona cocoa powder available at Dean & Deluca and many online sources.

**Many recipes call for walnuts but I prefer pecans. Feel free to substitute your favorite nut.